#i may be taking things way too serious but i honestly dont even feel like watching the show anymore lol

[foodiegoogie]

Hi :)

Please can I request a scenario/oneshot where the reader is planning on spending valentines alone but Kaeya refuses to let them because of the sweetheart he is <3

note: AAAA OMG MY FIRST REQUEST 🥹🫶🏼 tysm for requesting lovely!! im ngl im not so satisfied with this one, but i still hope u like it ❤️❤️ kaeya is my baby <3

things left unsaid (and kept close to the heart)

kaeya alberich x gn!reader ✮ 1.5k

cw/tags: oblivious!reader, pining!kaeya (teehee), alcohol very implicitly mentioned (+ food), may or may not have slipped my own bitterness into this but dont think too hard on that <3

( ♡ )

While you loved Mondstadt dearly with all your heart, having to be in the vicinity of the city during such a time—in this case, Valentine’s Day—always proved to be a hard time, especially because you were oh, so, single.

Not that it had ever bothered you, of course. You were more than at peace with the fact that you didn’t have to deal with the stressors of being in a relationship with someone. In fact, every time you passed by the Adventurer’s Guild and caught sight of desperate people commissioning for someone to help out with their troubles with their partners, you could only laugh at how pathetic it was and think, “Wow, that couldn’t be me.”

But at the very same time you’d think of those words, you spiral towards the other meaning of it all. How it couldn’t be you that has a person to call your own, to look forward to seeing every day, to love you.

And so, you’d resigned yourself again to the fate of spending Valentine’s Day alone. Without a person to ask, it was kind of hopeless anyway, you thought.

But when the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius caught wind of your predicament, he sought to remedy it; immediately.

Never one to back down from a challenge nor see any of his friends (you, included) so sad and blue, Kaeya had spent the days leading up to the occasion meticulously planning an evening full of romance. He was hell-bent on charming the hell out of you, set on making you forget about loneliness as a whole, as long as you were in his company.

Thus, now, he stands in front of your doorstep, a lovely bouquet of Windwheel Asters in his hand, clad in his best clothes in regards to the date he had planned for the both of you for tonight. When he had asked you, you had all but laughed in his face, amused by the absurdity of it all.

Kaeya almost felt offended by the sound of your laughter, in spite of how it sounded like music to his ears. Why were you laughing at him? Surely, you knew that he was being serious… right?

When the laughter died down from your lips, wiping the tears from the corners of your eyes, he took the chance to speak again, a hint of bewilderment etched onto his face.

“Well, that was pretty harsh,” Kaeya chuckles, crossing his arms as he leans his weight towards one leg. “Are you done laughing now or should I get you some tissues?”

You startle. “Wait… were you actually being serious?”

“Sweetheart, I was being serious the whole time. Did you honestly think I’d ask you out as a joke?” He scoffs, slightly affronted by the doubtful look in your eyes. “You should really cut me some slack, you know. I know I’m cunning, but I’d never go that far.”

You sigh, feeling your face grow warm with shame and embarrassment by his remarks. Your hand reaches up to rub at the back of your neck in a sheepish manner.

“Sorry, Kaeya.”

“If you were really sorry, you’d accept me being your Valentine.”

You chuckled in response, shoulders slightly easing from the tension from the earlier moment of embarrassment. It was safe to say that the conversation ended quite well - you’d finally agreed to Kaeya’s request to spend the occasion with him as your Valentine.

One slight problem, though. While you had agreed to his kind request under the guise of a friendly date, Kaeya couldn’t help but feel like he had missed an opportunity to take things further.

(He likes you, and it’s way too much to consider it still being a platonic feeling. But he would never admit that aloud, of course. Who is Kaeya if not secretive about his emotions, especially to himself?)

Kaeya realizes that he’s been standing at your doorstep like an idiot for what was longer than necessary. Raising a hand, he raps against your door, tightening his grasp around the bouquet in his other hand as he steels himself for the moment you open your door to him.

And just like that, he feels like he’s frozen from head to toe as the door finally opens, revealing you.

The dim candlelight coming from inside your house spilled out into the doorway, framing you from behind in a brilliant, glowing halo, accentuating your beautiful figure, dressed in an elegant, and form-fitting outfit.

He hadn’t even realized how long he’d been staring at you until you cleared your throat, breaking him out of his trance-like state.

Kaeya remembers to act normal again, beginning with a sly chuckle as he says, “Well, well, well. You clean up pretty nicely, Y/N.”

You return his compliment with a bashful smile, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind your ear, “Thank you. I only aim to please, Kaeya.”

“Oh, and you have certainly accomplished that, and more,” He replies, eyes glimmering with the ever so present hint of playfulness, his voice dropping to a smooth, velvety tone.

“But… if pleasing is your aim,” Kaeya adds, “Then you must know that I have some ideas on how you can do it even better..." His words were laced with a hint of flirtation that was subtle yet undeniable.

You gaped at him, “Sorry?”

You’re certain that Kaeya could tell that he’d flustered you, but even if he didn’t, he’d made no attempt at bringing it up as he steps closer to you, gaze unwavering from yours, and hands the bouquet to you.

“These are for you, by the way,” He says, feigning nonchalance as you take it with two hands. Kaeya watches you take a whiff of the Asters with a warm, but proud smile.

Glad for the change in topic, you find yourself relaxing as you smell the flowers in your hands.

“Thank you, Kaeya. They’re wonderful,” You smile back at him in gratitude, a faint hue of pink dusting your cheeks.

The Cavalry Captain’s smile could only grow (and glow) more with pride for himself, “Well, I’m glad you like them. Because lucky for you, I also aim to please.”

You raise an eyebrow, a hint of amusement dancing in your eyes, “What does that mean?”

“Why, I picked them out myself, of course. The whole bouquet was arranged by yours truly,” Kaeya gestures to himself, doing a small bow for the sake of theatrics.

He earns the melodic sound of your laughter, and Kaeya hides a fond smile to himself as he stands back up to his full height, towering over yours.

“That was very thoughtful of you. Thank you, really.”

“Like I said, I only aim to please.”

With that, Kaeya offers his arm for you to take whilst flashing you a smile, fully committing to the whole being-your-Valentine ordeal. He was determined to show you just how much of a gentleman he could be, and maybe, just maybe, make you see him in a different light.

For the first part of your evening together as Valentines, Kaeya takes you to the Dawn Winery, where a lovely dinner prepared by the head housemaid, Adelinde, awaits the both of you. After that, a stroll through the vineyard to “burn the food in our stomachs, and make room for some drinks,” as per Kaeya’s words.

And the whole time, you find yourself enjoying the evening, despite your initial dejections of Valentine’s Day as a whole. But with Kaeya keeping you company, and taking you out on a date for that matter, who were you to remain in your low spirits?

The air was crisp and fresh as the both of you walked side by side through the vineyard, the sweet scent of ripe grapes filling your nostrils with each step you took, both of your hands lingering by your sides.

Kaeya found it especially hard not to notice how he could brush his fingers against yours in one, small move. He wasn’t sure if it was the sweet scent of grapes surrounding them that was enticing him, nearly emboldening him, or if it was the sight of you bathed under the moonlight, casting you in an angelic glow.

And he thought he’d never seen someone so beautiful up close right from the very first moment he saw you. Kaeya couldn’t quite fathom how you seemed to take his breath away, time and time again, no matter how dressed up you were or not.

All of a sudden, the man who had always kept his secrets close to his chest, found himself wanting to spill out everything he truly felt about you all at once, at this very moment in time.

But for now, Kaeya thinks it would be best to just keep his feelings at bay, content with merely being in your presence, and enjoying each other's company in the beautiful vineyard, under the moon and stars.

In the meantime, he’ll let the star-filled sky, and the vines and foliage surrounding you alongside the ripened grapes, bear witness to the way he longed for you.

So close, and yet, so far.

( ♡ )

GRRRAH thanks 4 reading <3 lmk what u thought of this 🥹🙏

[cultven]

His Last Plea

Deadpool X Reader

Content: ANGST, you break up with Wade but you honestly have a justified reason to do so, you both love each other, just lots of tears and angst ugh, no comfort, some cursing

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Just lots of angst and heartbreak

a/n: I DON’T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS WADE ILY YOU DONT DESERVE THIS ;( As an apology if enough people want a part 2 I will gladly write one...

“You’re over two hours late.”

“I know baby, I was just-”

“You promised you would be here this time. You promised you would actually fucking try to show up. This is our third reschedule with my parents Wade, do you know how bad this looks on us.” You stand in your shared living room all dolled up, blankly staring at Wade who looks like a deer in headlights. Contrasting to your beautiful skin-tight dress, Wade was in his Deadpool suit, blood casually splattered on the fabric. Once again, he prioritized his mercenary work over your personal lives, and you are at your wits end with him. It was insulting. 

Wade carefully inched further into the apartment, testing the waters. “I’m sorry baby, really I just got caught up trying to kill this one guy. He locked himself in a safe room like a pussy and he’s like a really bad guy so I had to keep trying!” This apology may have worked the first or second time, but this was the third. The third time you had to explain to your parents Wade was a busy man, too busy for dinners with family. The third time you walked back to your apartment alone, fighting the tears lingering in your eyes. The third time you swore to yourself you wouldn’t put up with it any longer, and you were finally ready to uphold that promise. 

At this point Wade was only a few feet away from you before he ripped off his mask, finally revealing his distraught expression. His hand begins to reach out before you put a hand up, promptly stopping the action. “I can’t do it anymore Wade. I’m sorry.”

“No… Baby girl, just give me one more chance, I swear to God I will be better.” His voice was now shaky, scared of losing the one thing in his life that had kept him going all this time. He knows he should have been better and more attentive, but his profession has him chained to a post. Who was going to do the dirty work when Spidey works under a ‘no kill rule’?

“I’ve given you chances! You blew them, you always do.” It hurt to say these words to Wade, you still cared about him, which was why the situation stung so hard. You wish you could just forget about this night entirely and curl up with your sweet boyfriend on the couch, but you knew this was needed. If things didn’t change now they never would. 

“Please...” Wade choked up, sensing this wasn’t something he could smooth talk his way out of. “I’ll burn this damn suit, it’ll be a memory, long forgotten. We can set a new date for dinner and I will be there. I always will be from now on.” You wanted to believe the bargaining but you couldn’t gaslight yourself into thinking this would be it for Deadpool. You knew it wouldn’t be, even if Wade thought it was. 

“Wade be serious, you can’t give up your mercenary life. You will always return to it, whether you believe it or not. You are Deadpool and Deadpool is you.” You subconsciously began rubbing your arms, all of a sudden feeling small. Your eyes are now downcasted towards the floor, the confrontation killing you. You hated talking to him like this. “I know there is nothing I can say or do to stop you from being Deadpool, but it is killing you, Wade. It is killing us. Your immortality may spare you from physical death, but you will emotionally die on the hill of trying to use your powers for good. It takes a toll on people, constantly being out in the field as a human punching bag.” A shaky breath falls from your lips as you find the strength to look back up at the man in front of you. 

It was unsettling the way he was just standing there, looking at you. Actually, upon closer inspection, it seemed like he was looking just past you instead, dazed in his own world. As if he hadn’t heard a word you said. Abruptly, a stray tear fell down his face, wetting the tumored skin under it. “I want to be better for you.” That was all he said. 

“I know, honey.”

“So then let me be. Let me try.” His last hope, his last plea for you. Wade’s body was shaking, but he had yet to notice. 

“We both know I can’t.” That was all it took for a stream of tears to envelop both your faces. You were just two people madly in love living worlds apart. Truly the heartbreak was your own fault, you two should have figured it wouldn’t have worked. Between a superhero and a regular civilian, it never does. 

It was your turn to step forward, hand coming to rest on Deadpool’s cheekbones. Your thumb absentmindedly rubbed the wet tears away, feeling the surprisingly soft skin of his cheek. Now closer to his face you begin to whisper. “Do you know what it feels like to have your partner come home bloody every night? Bruised and battered. I know it doesn’t hurt and I know you can’t die, but what if that’s just because you haven’t found what can kill you yet? The stress of it all overtakes me, Wade. I stress so much because I love you so much and I can’t take it.” Your own set of tears grows heavier. With the already close proximity of your bodies, Wade pulls you into a hug where you both crumble to the ground. 

Tears mix and spill onto the fake hardwood floor as hands eagerly grasp the others’ bodies. “I don’t want to love you as much as I do. Because it just makes it so much harder.” You sob, your whisper now coming out with a much wetter tone. Wade only nods into your neck where his face hides, his arms grip your body tightly, knowing this may just be the last time he has the right to do so. 

After a long moment of selfishly drinking Wade in one last time, you lift your head and land a short, soft kiss on Wade’s cheek. You begin to rise, legs wobbling and chest heaving. You knew if you didn’t leave now you never would. “Baby?” Wade whimpers, knowing this is the end. 

“I have to go.” 

“Where?” It was a valid question, the two of you had shared an apartment for a year now. 

“My sister’s. She knows about everything now and said I could crash there for a bit.” Wade only nodded, not fully processing the fact that you were leaving. God damn it he wanted to rip his heart out from how much it hurt. When he heard about heartaches he didn’t think it was such a literal term. 

“Will you be back?”

“I hope not.” You walked past the mess of a man on the floor, reaching the apartment door. Taking one glance back, you took in one last image of what was once you and Wade’s oasis. “Goodbye Wade, maybe under different circumstances we could have been what we wanted to be.” You left, the door clicking shut. 

With that goodbye, Wade let himself fully break down, sobs racking through his chest. Perhaps he was doomed to a life of perpetual darkness and pain. He thought he had escaped the dark once you so gingerly entered his life, but of course, he had to fucking mess that up too. You were the one good thing to happen to him, the one person who treated him like an actual human instead of some fucked up science experiment. You made him feel loved, not ashamed of his appearance or crude sense of humor. You were love. 

Wade’s hands vigorously began ripping the now too-tight suit off his disgusting body. Oh God, how he wished he could just die. It really was one of God’s best fucking jokes he couldn’t. He began to crawl into your shared bed, laying on his respective side. If you could see him right now you would be exceptionally pissed at the fact he hadn’t showered beforehand and was now getting old crusted blood on your duvet. Well, good thing you couldn’t see him then, huh? Wade sighed, grabbing one of your pillows and bear-hugging it, attempting to capture your scent in his nose permanently. There he tried his best to lull himself to sleep despite the constant berating from the boxes and the consistent ache in his chest. 

[vvh0adie]

watching my friends leave tumblr is really sad

you literally can't win

at this point the writer's strike should just be a cultural movement

like ppl are writing for FREE and you're complaining about turn out rate and shit

we have lives and some of us (HELL ALL OF US) have some form of mental illness, so we can't be fucking cogs all day and churn out fics.

writing is suppose to be therapeutic and writers want to share that with you to ease the tension of this hellscape we live in

but some of these readers and even fellow writers are taking it too far with the bullying

like its mean and nasty. you don't know what someone is going thru.

instead of asking for updates how about check and see if your writer is mentally stable to do so. that right there is a booster, to have someone say "are you okay?"

and then the whole accusations of favoring a certain member/character. if that person is my muse or safe space then of course imma write for them. most solo writers i see don't even talk bad about other people. its a SOLO account. think of it as a shrine blog of writing if that helps. they're not there to trash, just share their writing for other's who might also share the same muse.

then you have readers who can't separate fiction from reality. just because someone writes a character with irl people faceclaimed onto them doesnt mean they actually think that person would be or do those things irl. i'll be the first to say that i only gave my characters bts faces cuz thats who im attracted to and they're who i imagine would be casted to play my characters.

then IN THE YEAR OF 2023 we still have ppl making fun of their peers writing and also THE FACT THAT ENGLISH MIGHT NOT BE THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE? that's nasty asf. majority of us dont even speak 'proper' english as our first language no way. you only shooting yourself in the foot. don't act like you dont have beta readers... like what are yall on?

and anybody who gets on THAT BLOG behind anon is an opp. not just to the writing community but in how you interact with the world all together. yall don't know how to talk to people anymore? it may have started as a place for critique and accountability but no one is bringing receipts or critical thinking anymore. its mainly for drama and not rehabilitation. yall serious scare me in how we'd see the reality of social change applied to the real world. like i'd be more scared to let yall around the prisoners with minor offenses cuz yall act like its the end of the world and that change cant happen. yall give nobody room to change ignorant stances but ignore the real egregious shit because you honestly dont have the bandwidth to take on actual fascist views.

also the plagiarism has got to stop too. if you need writing resources just ask. but practice makes perfect. so you're gonna have to write yourself. you may not like your writers voice but you will feel shitty in the long run when you don't feel like its you putting those words on the paper. it literally just prolongs your inferiority. make something you're proud of and don't hurt your fellow writers. we went thru the process just like you. we earned it. and most of us aren't gatekeepers, we will help you.

like its really tuff being on here sometimes. cuz if you not being hounded by readers its your own community praying on your down fall.

we have to do better.

[bonkbobl]

make a deal or play a game

ROOSE BOLTON X READER

a/n: guys im gonna be so fr with yall i legitimately dont know where this energy came from but here you go. this contains possibly the longest sex scene i've ever written in my entire history of fic writing and i did get a little carried away. like a little more than carried away. the keys just dont stop click clacking

summary: You find out Roose has been plotting against your King but you know the Northern cause cannot survive with the North divided between the King's loyalists and a Bolton-Karstark army backing their martyred liege lords. You and Lord Bolton need each other more than either of you would care to admit, grasping for power over each other.

warning: DUBCON!!!! as in the dubbiest of cons, power dynamics, forced marriage, roose bolton is secretly a perverted old man, EDGING like a LOT OF EDGING, wet humping??/thigh fucking, dacyrphilia, wait girl he's literally like obsessed with you eeeeeeeee

You were always Robb Starks most trusted advisor, and who was to question why. A ward, offered by one of the Starks most loyal vassal houses for the honor of have you join their family as a ward. Your father practically begged them to raise you when your Lady Mother succumbed to the failed birthing of your baby brother. He hoped one day you may reach a higher station that you'd have been afforded, and how better to reach that than through the Starks. Your father shared a great great, a few times over, great grand parent with Ned, and ever honorable, the Lord Stark agreed to take you in.

But its difficult for a woman to rise up in the world, even harder still, in the midst of a war. Men did not like to make room for women at war but Robb was like your brother. He trusted you. And he trusted your opinion on people. It's because while the Starks held that honor must be of paramount importance, you understood not everyone held that same principle. You make sure Robb doesn't trust everyone as he trusts you.

Trust is a funny thing because you could trust someone with your life but you may not trust them to cook a chicken correctly. You may trust someone to lead a garrison of ten thousand for you and not trust them with a knife in close quarters without a guard behind you. Trust was what you dealt in — advising Robb on deals that he was to make with other Lords, even so far as traveling on his behalf.

Deals, and diplomacy — charms, and words. That was your strength.

Robb Stark insisted that Catelyn take you to the twins to aid in negotiations with Walder Frey, he deferred to you to send letters to Renly and Stannis Baratheon, you were even the one who had sent out the rallying cry at the very beginning of his great war to all his Bannermen. Everyone knew it. He was the brain, you were the mouth. The pretty, cunning, biting mouth of the young wolf.

—————

One issue you were never able to resolve was Roose Bolton. He was cold, calculating, and distant. Though he seemed to care deeply for the Northern cause, you had little to believe he was truly as passionate about Robb as King.

It began with certain issues in which you would honestly take Roose's side instead of Robb's and since you saw Roose as an ideological ally, you would shoot glances at him after Robb declared he'd have his way after all. In those moments, a bitter gaze that lingered a few seconds too long on the King in the North roused suspicion in you.

It wasn't serious. You're sure its the frustration than anyone would feel being brushed aside so many times. But as the social tension within Robbs camp rose, you felt that you must do something about it.

You don't trust Walder Frey. He wouldn't so easily brush aside a slight as heavy as the King in the North refusing his daughter's hand in marriage. He wouldn't trade it so carelessly, not even for a claim in the Riverlands. The fact was that a young boy had made him a promise and quickly threw it all away the moment he got what he needed.

Frey's resentment of all the Paramount liege lords in Westeros already made any alliance between you fragile. Compound it with more insult and well, you just didn't know what you expected from this.

So when you saw a rave flying even in the general direction of the twins, you shot it down.

The Bolton seal, you noted, as you inspected the short scroll.

Tomorrow the white sun will illuminate the darkness clouding your castle. We will dine on fishes and the hour of the wolf will drown out in history. Ensure final preparations are made.

R.B.

As you read it, you could feel blood draining from your face and you really should have gone to Robb immediately but the need to find out what plot was brewing overtook reason. When the men were drinking and dining, you snuck into Roose Bolton's tent.

—————

"Letters, letters..." You muttered. You had already checked his desk but of course the man isn't dense enough to store proof of treachery in the drawer of a desk where any young squire may stumble upon them. So you were rifling through everything, casting aside bulks of chainmail, furs, coats, anything.

As you did, your mind ran endlessly about what might happen. So the Boltons and the Freys. Eliminate them and you're forced to then castrate your own army. We were already outnumbered greatly. Losing the Boltons is a blow we may not survive even if we survive this bloody wedding.

And the reference to the white sun illuminating the darkness was not so easily lost on you. You weren't sure, but coupled with the rising tensions with the Karstark men who currently stood one third of Robb's entire army, you could take a gander to why the white sun of their sigil was mentioned in Roose Bolton's death letter.

"Looking for something?"

Roose's voice cut clear through the room, it even felt like it sliced right through your heart. Well die tonight or die tomorrow night it makes no difference to you. But it makes all the difference to the North.

You should have gone to Robb first. Your foolishness.

You straightened up and flattened the blankets on his cot down. "Just tidying up. Waiting for you, my lord," And you took a deep breath, braving a sultry look on your face before turning around.

"Me?" Roose asked, pure amusement in his voice. You'd have to work to really get him to believe you.

"All this talk of weddings, it's all I hear now. Everyone, everywhere," You hoped your hesitation wasn't visible as you draped your arms around Roose's neck and stared into his eyes.

"And why are you here, my lady, waiting for me."

You sighed, careful not to drop the ruse. Of all men why did it have to be Roose Bolton. Any other man, after not touching a woman for years, wouldn't have questioned the logic of your seduction and you'd at least have a chance to hit him over the head with a lantern, maybe a knife if you're lucky. But Roose hed his gaze with you evenly. Challenging you.

How to get him to trust you...

"Isn't it obvious?" You tilted your head, staring with the biggest pleading eyes you could muster. And you looked at his lips, just a moment of hesitation overtaking you before you leaned in and slowly molded your mouth to his.

Your heart went wild as he kissed you back, a mix of emotions forming. You were still scared for your life but you were also happy that your trick seemed to be working. And under the two dominant emotions, there was a slight hint of something else at play. You chalked up to the scandalousness of it all. It wasn't your main worry, but as a proper lady you were raised to not be caught in close quarters with another unmarried man, especially if you were doing salacious things — or if it looked like you were about to. It was also the first time you'd ever kissed a man.

Not the greatest conditions, but alas, you could care less about a tender kiss or even a few. You just need a distraction and its working. Roose kissed you back so fiercly it made you dizzy. So dizzying that you hadn't realized he reached into your pockets.

When the kiss broke, you stared up at him, his face composed and hard as stone, almost as if it hadn't affected him at all. But his lips were swollen and he stared at you, eyes betraying him to look down at your equally puffy lips and you smirked.

You made sure to hold his gaze and you let your hand trail down his front, teasing just above his crotch. "Celebrate the happy betrothal with me?"

Roose cracked a smile and nodded, a sarcastic hum rumbling from him, "Your nerves give you away, my lady." Your heart sank. "You quiver like a virgin playing at being a whore. It was almost convincing, but..." He held up the letter that you had stolen from the raven.

You let the dread overtake your face and you ran.

But you couldn't even make two steps before Roose pulled you by your wrist, back into his chest.

You struggled for a few seconds but stilled as soon as you felt cool metal under your chin.

"A deal," You spoke quickly, equally as quickly deciding you really didn't like the feeling of a cold blade pressing against the neck, that you very much did like.

"A deal?" Roose breathed the question into your ear. He was so obviously not scared or even wary of you. And you scrambled to keep the upper hand.

"I could always scream instead. You could kill me, make some excuse to cover yourself up, but that excuse wont pass, not for our King's childhood friend. You could run. You'd be dead within the fortnight if they caught you." You hoped that you weren't just spewing bullshit, "The camp is so dense. How likely are you to make it to Frey before one of Robbs catches you first? And your plan would fail. Robb would know something's wrong."

He was permitting you to continue, so you did. He wasn't so much as urging you to continue but rather, watching, knowing you would.

"I could offer your head to our king. But I imagine you wouldn't enjoy that very much. So many options but I propose the best one — you could turn on Frey, tell Robb. Warn him about Karstark, too. Wouldn't you much rather become the new Lord of the Twins than deal with a petty mess?"

Roose considered it for a couple seconds before releasing you. You're right that making you disappear would be a little more annoying that simply a petty mess. He knows he can't just let you go either. He doesn't trust you.

Whats to stop you from running to tell Robb as soon as he let you go anyway? Then he remembers that his soldiers make up the largest portion of Robb Starks army aside from the Karstarks. And that there was his leverage. That's why you were trying to reason with him. Which really means, despite everything, he could even go as far to say that he's the one with the upper hand in this situation.

You, apparently unwilling to inform Robb of his treachery, asking him to warn your King and continue to fight by his side, all you had was a secret that only the two people in this room know. Not a very good hand. You don't even have proof anymore. Roose walked over to his bed, pulling a stack of letters out from a slit in the mattress.

You sighed, kicking yourself. You were so close. And you watched him, walking to the fire at the foot of his bed with his eyes trained on you. You watched helplessly hope was scorched in the flames.

Your heart was pounding out of your chest and only now had you permitted yourself to notice it. Sitting at the edge of his bed, You wiped your forehead.

Roose chuckled. Clever girl, weighing logic and strategy, no trouble following the shifting power between you two. You knew you needed him. You knew Robb needed him. You knew the odds of winning this war was slim already now that the Tyrells had joined the fray. You knew if you gave him a reason, he might slit your little throat tonight. And sure that meant Robb might get the hint not to attend the wedding, but the Northern army would still be crushed within half a year.

And perhaps you valued that pretty little head of yours above all else.

Now, Roose took interest, evaluating you with a new eye, "What is your proposal?"

"You go, tell Robb of the plans but tell him you intended on being a turncoat this entire time."

"And what do I receive in exchange for this act of mercy."

You chuckled, "My many thanks, redemption in the eyes of the Gods," you offered sardonically, knowing the answer would come as too dismissive. You could tell Roose wasn't impresssed, "I can still tell the King, my lord, if it pleases you.

Roose, ever perplexed by your mind, drew closer but stowed his knife back in his holster, behind him. He made it so that you had to tilt your head up to look at him. "Do not think for a second that you might have the upper hand in this position, my lady. I say that, not as a threat, but as advice. Know when you do not have the upper hand. Know when to serve."

You glared up at him, scanning his eyes, baffled by his audacity. You are— "I am a—"

"Stark Ward. But not a Stark. If you go to Robb, you have no proof. I might have my own story. You and Greyjoy, bitter that you'd never truly be accepted into the Stark family plotted the demise of the King in the North, who I so faithfully served up until now. There is no reason for Robb to view me with less trust than you... The King may grow weary with paranoia. First his brother... then he doesn't know to trust his closest advisor or his sister. "

"But you---"

"I am guilty. And you have no evidence. You are asking for a favor. Tell me, what difference does it make if the King dies tomorrow or three months later on the Battlefield without my men to back him." he questioned, enunciating each word clearly, staring down at you.

You cursed yourself for sitting. The scare was not over, you should have realized. Even if the cold blade was no longer physically at your neck, Roose Bolton still had a knife to you.

"What do you want?"

He chuckled, "One day I will have a need for you. And that day, you will obey. You owe me your life, my lady. And the King's life."

You glared at the ground, wishing you could say something of his arrogance, "And Robb?"

"I will tell him of the plans. And you will not tell him the truth. Any time you think you want to tell the young wolf what we discussed in these chambers remember that it is your pretty neck and your reputation that may be in my hands." Roose gave you one last look, then whispered, "Go on now. Back to your tent."

You stood, meeting him with one last glare.

He smiled sweetly at you, nodding, "I thoroughly enjoyed the display."

—————

Your promise to Roose Bolton loomed over you every day for a month. You spent your days watching his actions closely to know when he was plotting anything, but he's yet to step blatantly out of turn.

He was showered with honors for being savior at the Red Wedding, not only becoming the official Lord presiding over the Twins, but he was given a large portion of the remaining Karstark forces, which thankfully very few deserted the King in the North after the victory at the Twins. Roose sent his Bastard to serve in his stead at Karhold, which was now under close surveillance for their treachery.

You paled to hear these developments. Because in truth you still failed to trust Roose Bolton though you hoped these gifts from the King in the North sweetened the pot enough for him to follow through with his promise to you. You simply shivered at the obscene amount of power that was showered to him.

So long as he retained the upper hand you would continue to be unsettled. You wish he would just tell you what he wants from you quickly so that you may get it over with. Really, something you think he just enjoys watching you squirm.

"Milk of the Poppy," Talisa said calmly.

And you moved to argue with your queen but hearing the screams of agony of the man being tended you, you decided there was a time and place.

The queen finished up with him quickly and turned back to you. That's when you started, "My Queen, I'm sure you're tired of hearing. And I, more than anyone else here understand your concern for the wellbeing of unnamed Lannister boy-soldiers."

Talisa, laughed, ducking her head in preparation for your words.

"But truly... Milk of the Poppy?" You pleaded, "I know it may seem cruel but it's really more of a luxury in wartime than anything. Perhaps that can be saved for the men fighting for our King."

Your queen met your eyes again but then at something behind you. Turning, you saw Roose speaking with Robb. Robb glanced at you, spoke something back to the Dreadlord and patted his arm before making his way to you. Roose spared you a glance before walking in the other direction, toward his tent.

"I'll take your words into consideration, my lady," Talisa reassured, "I understand. Thank you for stating your opinion calmly and without judgement."

You smiled in sympathy, knowing the men in the army could be quite rough around the edges with their opinions.

Talisa started again, taking some time to gather her tools "My husband is coming. I think he wants to speak with you."

Robb came up to the two of you, placing a hand on the small of Talisa's back, pressing a kiss to her cheek and whispering something short in her ear.

"I'll leave you to it then," Talisa said sweetly and left to find more sick to tend to.

As soon as she did, Robb's features were cast with a stern seriousness. You evaluated it, wondering if it had anything to do with Roose Bolton's conversation with him just moments before.

"What is it?" You asked.

Robb sighed, "You don't have to agree. You can think on it for a while. I know it can be daunting seeing as I'm almost sure he's older than father."

"What is it?" You pressed urgently.

"Roose Bolton asked for my blessing to take your hand in marriage."

Your heart sank, the full weight of the deal you made with Roose falling on your shoulders.

"I gave him my blessing as I have no reason not to. But I warned him that I cannot force you to be amenable." With a laugh, Robb tried to cheer you up but to no avail, "I even warned him you shared Arya's disdain for marriage from a young age."

You simply nodded, expressionless and quickly muttered something to dismiss yourself and you ran straight for Roose Bolton's tent.

—————

The route to Roose's tent felt quick, like you had stormed off from Robb and landed right at his door. Your anger bubbled at your throat and you could hardly wait before storming in and yelling at the man sat at his desk.

"So that's it?" You asked, bewildered, "That's how you aim to make me repay my debt?"

Roose didn't even look up at you as he continued to write on a small strip of parchment. "It seems with my sudden acquisition of the Twins, even if I legitimize my bastard, it will not be enough to sustain my achievements. I'm in dire need of heirs. You owe me a favor."

You were speechless for a second and you felt a laugh be punch out of your chest, the mere ridiculousness — the scale of this favor. "A favor, my lord, usually doesn't include a lifelong bind. A favor, I would imagine is a one and done type of deal." Marching to the side of his table, you attempted to command his attention, "Was the twins not enough? Was having your bastard installed as acting Lord of Karhold not enough?"

Roose looked up at you, calmly speaking. "I'd like to remind you, my lady, that had I not warned the King in the North of the Freys and Karstarks treachery, I'd have been named Warden of the North by the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms."

Closing your mouth, you huffed, amazed by this mans blatant selfishness. Titles.

"The Twins, and temporary reign over the Karstark maneuvers pales in comparison to what I had abandoned."

"Well you our deal wasn't for me to make that loss up to you, it was so you could keep your head and remain loyal to King Robb." You shook your head, "I wont do it. If you're the pragmatic, power hungry man you claim to be, why don't you plot your way into some other lady's bed — someone who could give you another stronghold to place your seed upon? I'd just be a cow to breed, nothing else to gain from there"

"A pretty cow to breed with a respectful name and no brothers to take your family home. I'd say you're as good a match as any."

You gasped at his blatant disrespect, blood rising to your head, and you landed a firm slap to his face. You even went for seconds but he grabbed your wrist firmly. You tried to pull it away but he wouldn't let you.

"Of course, we'll have to do something about that temper of yours once we are wed," He warned, pulling you a little harshly — not too rough but enough to make you fall forward and catch yourself on his table. He stood, circling around the table, as casually as he could managed but he did adjust his jaw from the slap you landed on him. "Your spirit and smart mouth have done you well in the past but only when they are in company with your wits. Don't go losing those wits and getting yourself in trouble. As I'm sure you are aware, there are dangerous men lurking in times of war."

"Dangerous men like you," You pushed yourself off the table and faced him again, crossing your arms, "I owe you my life. What happens if I decide I'd rather die than marry you?"

"Then what will be protecting your King, if not your life?"

That took any retort out of your mouth, as this was not an avenue you'd expected him to take. You stuttered dumbly for a moment. "M-my King? What of him? They—... House Frey and the Karstarks have been dealt with. You—"

"I can still betray him. He trusts me now more than ever. If I write to Tywin Lannister detailing how the plan had been spoiled and I explain that I'd counted our losses and regained the trust of the King so that we may try again well, that'd be easy enough," He stared down at you and said the next part clearly, "You are the only thing stopping me from doing so. If you'd rather die..."

You shook your head at him, scowling. The entire North, dependent on what you say to this man. "I don't want to marry you," you stood your ground as well as you could, "Anything else, I'll do."

Roose looked to the ground next to you, "Well then," He sighed.

Then he glanced back at you, giving you a lazy once over.

He sighed again, this time more sure, straightening his back and that's when you knew he'd had an idea.

You didn't like him getting ideas. You don't like his mind and the thoughts he spins.

"Another deal. A game, more like."

You didn't trust the slight tinge of a smile. Really you just didn't trust or like this man. Every moment you're in his tent feels like a gamble. "What game?" You especially hate the idea of playing his games. Right into the bear trap, it felt like.

Where you excelled in proposing deals that suited the interests of both sides perfectly, the Boltons were infamous for creatively constructing games that were rigged from the start, in their favor.

"Part of it is that you have to figure out the rules," He smiled.

You should have known the odds were against you. They always were when it came to Roose Bolton. How does one negotiate with a man like him?

Your attention was drawn back to him when his hand came up to the pin that secured your cloak to your shoulders. He undid the on on the right, then the one on your left. And you could do nothing but watch it fall to the floor, heart racing, because suddenly you understood.

Why did you have to say "Anything"?

Of course... You watched him, his clenched jaw, barely holding back from just ripping your clothes off, and you realized: Roose Bolton is just like any other man. He only wants one thing. Married to you or not.

One and done, you wondered, Is that better?

He pulled the laces securing your dress in the front, watching his eyes greedily take in your chest as more of it was exposed. Soon, your dress hugged your waist and shoulders, barely covering your top half.

You smacked his hand away as it reached under the fabric draping at your shoulders.

The silent question in your eyes was What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Roose simply chuckled softly, “Letting me see your tits is not as bad as marrying me, is it, my lady?” Dark intentions coated his syrupy smooth voice and it made you shiver.

Breathing a long, angry sigh, you looked up at him, “I could just kill you.”

“Even if you managed, your king desperately needs Bolton men. They'll only follow a Bolton,” He spoke matter of factly, tugging your sleeves so they fell off your shoulders.

He's right. The Starks and the Boltons had no love for each other. Centuries of hate. Many Karstarks remained loyal to Robb because of the history of love between the houses. There was no such history between the Starks and Boltons.

The cool air hit your exposed skin. “Trust me,” Roose smiled satisfied with the sight before him, taking a firm handful of your breast, caressing over it and pinching the nipple as he let go, “You’d rather handle me than deal with my bastard.”

You shivered and took several steps back from him and his touch, and moved to cover your breasts with your hands as well as you could.

You’d definitely heard about his bastard. From what you knew, he was a more unhinged, less predictable version of Roose, more willing to get his hands dirty, more eager to act. You stood and let Roose’s eyes rake over your body, disgust bubbling at your throat.

“So conveniently, my best option is to either marry you or let you fuck me and ruin any marriage prospects in my future?”

“Who said anything about fucking?” Roose raised his brow, playing innocent, “I just want to see you, touch you... feel you touch me. I wont put anything inside your cunt unless you ask me to.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, you dont trust his mercy, especially the last clause. Unless you ask him to. Why in seven hells would you ask him to? “What do you want me to do?”

Roose smirked widely and the look should have terrified you — you’ve never seen such twisted joy on a persons face before, especially not stoic Roose Bolton.

He stepped closer to you once more, hands coming to cradle your face and neck gently. Your hands instinctively followed, grabbing his wrists cautiously. Though a hint of that devious smirk lingered, he looked at you with gentleness between his eyes, “Lets start with another kiss,” He said, condescension lacing his voice, “seeing as my lady was so eager the last time we saw each other.”

You couldnt help but fall a little under his spell, eyebrows furrowing as you tried to figure out why you felt dizzy with him so close to you, cold eyes darting all over your face. Why your mind whirred with the memory of how hungrily he responded to you last time you were in his tent. You wondered if perhaps you had sparked something in him. If that was why he was so insistent.

You nodded softly, so soft that upon thinking on it, you wondered if it was even noticable. But Roose had been watching you closely for any sign of submission and he closed the gap between you before you could move to do anything else.

He noted how you tensed just as his lips met yours and he carefully took your hands, guiding them to wrap around his neck. You tried to relax into it as much as possible and kiss him back, but it proved difficult until his arms came around and pulled you closer to him.

His bare hand on your back made you jolt and he chuckled deeply, the rumble of it making you shy away. "Roose," You started, unsure of what you would say. That you already need a break?

Roose ignored you, hands coming back up to cup your breasts, "Fucking gorgeous. And you've been right in front of me this entire time," He spoke so lowly you almost thought he was muttering to himself. But his eyes trained on you told you different.

He leaned down the few extra centimeters to meet your lips again, this time toying with your hardened buds as he did. Your hand shot up to grab his wrist but he just pinched in response. You squealed, lips parting from his but he kept you held close.

"Behave."

You whined, glaring at him, your dignity clinging to any sliver of hope it had of remaining intact.

Roose glared right back and took your hand, leading you toward his cot. He sat you on his lap and again, turned his attention toward your chest after kissing you a few times. This time, his lips wrapped around the bud on your right while his hand toyed with the other.

You tensed as a moan threatened to escape you, especially with his tongue circling around the way it did. When he sucked and continued that technique at the same time it was difficult not to enjoy. To be honest, you didn't even know a man could enjoy a woman's body like this — so shamelessly lewd. But he promised no penetration. You assume that means he deigns to make use of your body in any other way.

It was quickly proving to be too much. You grunted a few times when moans caught in your throat, gutteral noises and sighs to keep the really embarrassing noises down. But even that was wearing thin. Your hand shot up to his head and tugged at his hair. Your back arched into him, body twitching when he'd trigger a sensitive nerve.

And before you could stop it, you sighed something a little too audible, too close to a full moan. You began trying to push his head away.

Roose grabbed your hands firmly, pushing them away and gave you a small nip as a warning. You yelped, staring at him incredulously. Then he switched to your more neglected nipple.

This same torture continued for far too long, but the result was worse than the torture itself, because you couldn't deny the pool forming in your small cloths. The pleasure of him toying with your sensitive buds just goes straight down there. You can't help it.

"My lord, h-how much more."

"I'll play with you until I'm satisfied, darling," He answered cooly, "Don't ask again."

You nodded, looking at his intense, watchful eyes. And he crashed his lips on yours again. This time, he reached beneath all the heavy layers of your skirts and pulled your breeches down. You helped him kick them off.

When the pads of his finger met your cunt, they circled around in search but he cut his search off, chuckling at what he found. You pulled away from his lips, hiding in his shoulder because you already knew what he was laughing at.

"Look at my little whore. Never been touched like this, have you? You're going to let me ruin you for your King?"

You groaned, feeling his fingers gather your slick, then he found a bundle of nerves. It felt like when he was licking your nipples— the way it tingled down there— but he was touching the exact source of it. Sometimes you'd cross your legs or gyrate your hips against a pillow and feel the same way but Wow you always thought that sensation was coming from something deeper inside you. Turns out its right there. Right at the front of your vulva.

And Roose knew. You gripped his knee and spread your legs for him as he toyed with you in ways you hadn't even known to toy with yourself. Your lips fell open but you wouldn't allow a single sound to come out, though you knew this would be far more difficult to bear than what he was doing previously.

Your body would twitch and tense up under his ministrations. Something was building within you. You'd felt this kind of feeling, grinding against soft pillows, but then the feeling would die after a little while. You'd walk away satisfied with the morsel of pleasure.

But with Roose, it wasn't going anywhere. It kept building and building.

Eventually, you thought that perhaps an end to the build was near but he diverted his fingers, playing with your opening instead, gathering more slick.

You calmed yourself, taking a few breaths to calm yourself. You looked down to see Roose staring at you, eyes hooded with a dark cloud of lust, lips parted, just taking you in like you were the most interesting, captivating thing he's ever seen.

His finger teased your entrance, pushing slightly and you ripped your gaze away from his intense eyes, studying you. Gods... Oh gods. You rolled your hips but he pulled his hand away finally.

Roose wiped his hand on your skirt. "Do you like being touched by me?"

You refused to answer, turning your head and looking anywhere else. Weakly, you shook your head no.

"Don't lie," he scolded.

You forced yourself to meet his eyes, brows furrowed, confusion behind your eyes, wondering how your body could betray you like this. But its just biology. Simple as that.

"You came close."

"Close to what?"

That made Roose smirk wider, a twinge of surprise and excitement, "Close to a release that some women can achieve while fucking." Roose took a second to compose himself before continuing, "A release that you won't experience tonight, unless it's around my cock."

Fear filled you, "You said you wouldn't."

"No, I wont," Roose cooed, a false comfort, "Not until you ask."

"I wont."

"We'll see, darling," He moved his arms from you and nudged your behind a little, "Up. Take off your dress."

You stood and obeyed, albeit hesitantly. He also took to stripping himself, but left on his small clothes. You, having already rid yourself of your breeches, were bare as the day you were born once you took off your dress.

Roose, with a hand to your waist, pulled you into him, standing in between his legs and he pressed a kiss to your stomach, trailing down to your dripping cunt. You shuddered at the thought of his tongue circling around that spot the way it circled your nipple. You don't think you could bear that.

Unfortunately for you, that was exactly what Roose had in mind. He lifted your leg so that your foot rested on the edge of his bed, which sat low on the ground. It's height provided the perfect angle for him to duck under and lick a flat stripe over your clit.

Your cunt convulsed and you were embarrassed for it because unlike your moans, you could not hide the reactions of your cunt as easily. His tongue dipped a little further, barely dipping into your hole to taste you and collect your essence on his tongue.

He groaned into you, the vibration making you bite your lip. He feasted on you like a starved man, wrapping his lips around your sensitive bundle of nerves and gently shaking his head as he sucked. Each time he flicked his tongue sent shocks through your body and you'd buck your hips against his face.

Even just the image that you were met with when you looked down— Roose Bolton burying his face into those parts...

If him licking your nipples was considered lewd, you didn't know how to describe this correctly. You hadn't even realized that men did this in the first place. Frankly it felt like something a man like Roose would normally consider to be too debasing and submissive.

There was nothing submissive about the way Roose licked up your juices. This was a man who was confident he held all the power and you'd be stupid to underestimate him.

Whines, real wanton whines pushed through your throat, filling the open air of his tent and that only seemed to spur him on. You submitted to it, feeling his hand come under your buttock and his other wrap around your waist. He then hoisted you up in the air and gently laid you down on the bed.

Roose not so gently spread your legs and settled between them, continuing his treatment on you.

Again the coil in your core tightened impossibly tight and just as you thought you'd reach some higher pleasure. He pulled away, peppering kisses to your thigh to calm you. You breathed heavily, staring at the ceiling.

This time, having him stop was frustrating. You cant lie. And you had a feeling you were in for a rather long night. Your hand twitched, almost wanting to give yourself the pleasure that he refused but you knew Roose would not let you. This was his game.

The game where you win if you steel through and manage to out last him.

You whimpered, legs quaking softly when he carefully bent and flicked his tongue against your clit again. Even, at this point, the feeling of his stubbled cheeks brushing your inner thigh was almost too sensitive to bear. Your body was responding to everything.

Soon you were bucking against his face, cursing the gods, and repeating the process again and again.

He learned what you liked quickly and tried everything under the sun. Dipping his tongue into you, he brought you just to the precipice of something amazing by fucking you with nothing but his mouth.

Once you had settled from the near high a fourth time, Roose pulled your body closer to him and through his lustblown eyes. He whispered to you as his fingers came to tease your entrance again, "May I?"

You looked down at him, biting your lip and you wanted to say yes. Your entire being begged for it. But your pride told you to say, "Do I have a choice?"

He merely chuckled at the loss of any desire to argue within you, and he plunged two thick fingers into your cunt. You cried out, the stretch somewhat shocking to you. But you were so wet that it really just felt nice, despite being foreign.

The noise you made was something you didn't even think could be produced within you. You moved to cover your face, laughing into them neverously because holy shit you need to get a hold of yourself. You need to. You've never felt this weak in the hands of someone else.

His fingers filled you nicely but you dreaded to admit it wasn't enough. And you didn't like how stiff they felt inside you. Something softer might feel more like it belongs. something longer and thicker... Something like—

Roose growled and that noise brought you out of your trance. You stared at him for a second, his eyebrows knit together frustratedly. His fingers did their work inside your cunt while his mouth continued to torture your clit.

"Fuck! Ahhh... fuck fuck—" You groaned, gritting your teeth together as you tried to keep yourself up to watch him.

You breathlessly but sort of victoriously took note of his clear frustration. You were proving to be more stubborn than he bargained for, you assume. But he was persistent too. There was no mistaking who had the power here.

He groaned, pumping his fingers into you. It was difficult not to imagine how it would feel when you finally gave in to him. So he let you know, "Your cunt loves me, my lady. You feel it clenching around me. You're so desperate for more. All you have to do is ask."

"Eat shit," you choked out. You meant to say it more confidently, less weak and shuddery but it created the same effect within Roose as it would have either way.

His lips returned, doing only what garnered the strongest reactions from you. And you were tumbling back down the hill again.

Of course he stopped, again.

You needed more than a second to recover from that one. What was it? Five rounds of the same torture. Your body was sure to be feeling the effects of it. Your cunt continued to twitch around nothing after his fingers were unceremoniously pulled out.

You lay there, unable to do anything but watch him clean off his fingers with his mouth. And it was hot because he didn't necessarily make a show of it. Ever the practical man, he probably only used his mouth because it was the easiest, cleanest solution. But you'd never seen anything so salacious and wrong.

Well, you concede, perhaps its not wrong, just something you, again, wouldn't thought of doing. It made your hips wriggle involuntarily and your cunt clench around nothing again, missing his fingers stretching and making you feel a little closer to whole.

Roose made quick work, ridding himself of his breeches and shirt.

You barely had enough time to appreciate the defined lines of his body, toned, even at his age because he stayed active.

He's undeniably handsome. If he wasn't so evil you'd have jumped at the chance of marrying him. Even now, staring at him, the man in control of your pleasure, you wondered if being married to him would even be so bad.

And his cock... You glanced at it, then trained your eyes back on his icy gaze. He cant see you staring down there, he'll get the wrong idea like he's winning or something. But the image was burnt into your mind. You could end your suffering now and beg him to put it inside you. You could.

But then your pride jumped in and told you to stop acting a fool.

He climbed up the bed, staying to one side of you, then wrapped his arm under you, kissing you briefly. Very briefly. So briefly that when he pulled away, you felt trained to chase after his lips, expecting more. The very accidental admittance of submission was not lost on either of you, an approving chuckle leaving him as he flipped your body on its tummy.

He crawled over you, snaking a hand under your stomach to pull you up and your entire backside felt his bare skin upon it. You bit your lip to stop yourself from whimpering at that feeling alone, again your cunt whined and begged you to just give in. Its right there, hard and pressing against your ass.

It was dizzying, the entire experience. You'd been denied so many times.

"Remember the rules," he murmured in your ear before taking a small bite and kissing down it. "Keep your thighs tight. Until you're ready to spread them like the good little slut you are." And with that, he used his free hand to slip his cock between your damp thighs.

You'd been so stripped of any and all resistance that the dominant emotion filling you was pride at his praise, calling you a good little slut. Something so debasing shouldn't stir you this much.

You were shocked at the warmth, initially scared that he was trying to slip it inside your cunt without you noticing, but Roose stayed true to his word. He wasn't going to put it in unless you asked, unless got to the point of wanting to beg him to. That didn't mean he couldn't put it right next to the entrance to tempt you.

It took him all but two seconds to begin slowly thrusting into the crack of your thighs and you wondered if it was supposed to feel like anything for you because it felt really amazing.

It wasn't as intense as his lips on your cunt but it was more tempting. The head of his cock, when his hips would slap against your ass, would grind deliciously over your clit. You whimpered each time it happened. It was all so wet and warm down there, his cock doing nothing but spreading the mess between your thighs.

His hand came around you to grab your neck, pulling you up so that he could fuck your thighs, using you as leverage. Your cunt pulsed with desire again, wishing he'd angle his hips incorrectly on accident and it'd just slip inside.

Please just slip inside. Please, please. Please slip in.

"Fuck, Roose, It... Its so... please," You said without even thinking

A dark chuckle vibrated right next to your ear. He chewed your lobe and kissed the top of your jaw. "Tell me."

"I... mmm nothing, nothing. I..." You growled frustratedly, burrying your face in the pillow.

Tears pricked your eyes.

The frustration was really getting to you.

Five times denied.

Your hips met him, rolling back to make his thrusts easier and he growled, landing a firm smack to your buttock. You cried out into the pillow.

Having had enough of your muffled cries, Roose pulled you up, situating your neck in the crook of his arm and he hoisted you up to your knees, cock still pumping drenched between your thighs.

It was pure debauchery. Unadulterated debauchery. You felt dirty and you couldn't even bother to be embarrassed by it. You just wanted him to have an accident and slip in. But you knew Roose. You knew he was too careful.

You had to give in first.

Your heart sank, realizing this could go on for so much longer. If he really wanted to, he could release right now, between your thighs and toy with your body mercilessly until he's ready to try with his cock again. He could go on for much much longer than you could ever dream of.

Especially in this position, it was difficult not to imagine him spearing you, your walls clenching and welcoming him instead of your thighs.

Gods, the way he was just using your body. Any part of your body. You were dizzy with pleasure and longing.

“Roose just do it, you win. Fuck me, please,” You spoke through sobs. Frustrated tears trickled down your cheeks.

Roose slowed his movements but that only made your wanting worse. Your thighs literally quivered for him. He took one look at the tear streaks on your face, not having noticed the fact that you were fucking crying for his cock, since your face had just been buried in the pillows a second ago. Roose's heart nearly had a tender little lapse, but it instead, swelled his pride to see you so desperate.

He wiped your tears away with his free hand and kissed your cheek. He wasn't completely done toying with you. He had to make sure you understood what it meant to be fucked by him. Truly understood. “And take my lady’s maidenhead? Will any respectable man take you to be his bride then?”

Your heart sank deeper than it ever had, real dread filling you. You finally understood his play here.

“Of course, as an honorable man, It’d be my duty to inform them of your compromised purity. Tell them this little whore's been tainted.”

He'd riled you up this far. You thought naively that he simply wanted you to admit defeat that you desired him as much as he desired you before taking you passionately.

In reality he wasn't going to let you go even after you gave in. The second another lord comes along for your hand in marriage, Bolton will reveal this little tryst you've had.

This was his goal since the beginning.

Marriage to you has been his goal since the very beginning of this little parlay.

You whined, stomach twisting because your dignity has become a whispered scream within you, telling you not to give in. But your psychology, your biology, everything else was screaming for him. He wanted not just to fuck you but to own you.

Your thighs tightened and you grinded against his long shaft. Still in the weakest attempt to remain stubborn, you stuttered, “Just… only a little, my lord. Only the top part. If you must. But please dont put it all in. Not far enough to break the… m-my maidenhead.”

That was the moment both of you knew you lost. You'd say it was stubbornness. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe you just liked feeling helpless under him, knowing what was inevitable.

Roose reached down, the strain that his smirk had on his cheeks being felt against yours. You're happy he's happy. Truly, you are. It twists your stomach again. You think if your stomach twists again you'll just melt into Roose Bolton. Completely at his mercy.

You whimpered as he used his hand to guide his cock to your entrance and pushed in, only far enough for the tip. Breathy moans tumbled out of you, all effort to hide them completely foregone. You threw your head back against his chest, eyes closed, enjoying the teasing feeling of just his cockhead stretching you.

He alternated between faster pumps and slow ones where you could feel his tip just barely broaching your entrance before pulling away again. He liked to feel your cunt try to suck him into you. Could you get any wetter? Any more ready to take him?

You tried to cheat, you'll admit it. Bucking your hips back, but he always managed to follow your movements, not giving you a single bit more than what you asked for. Tears pricked your eyes again but your heart soared from it. You're at his mercy completely.

“Whats wrong, my lady, you seem distressed.” He wiped a tear away from the corner of your eye, threatening to fall. And the way you whined at that moment, so frustratedly, almost like you hated him, like you might kill him if you had the chance... it actually managed to crack Roose’s composure and he laughed a good hearty laugh from the bottom of his chest.

Still smiling, he tilted his head, giving a condescending hum of mock sympathy.

Roose took your chin in his hand so he can get a good look at you as he continued to tease the tip of his cock in and out of you. Your big eyes looking up at him and begging, begging. He would love to give in but you have to say it.

“I am but your loyal and humble servant. I only do what is bid of me.”

“Fuck me,” You crack, the words coming out not as intelligible words but as part of your moans.

He hummed a deep and clear “Hm?” Pretending he didnt hear but he did. You know he did.

“Please, fuck me.”

“And...”

“Please fuck me and marry me," You forced out, you cringed at the way your voice sounded, so whiny you would have thought it to be annoying and too high pitched. But it deepend the clouds of lust behind your lord's eyes. It made you keep going "Please, my lord, take me as your bride. Fuck me and then save my honor from ruin.”

Your eyes fluttered close, shutting tightly. You expected more taunting from him, anything, but you forced your eyes back to him when you felt his hot breath on your cheek, then his nose ghosting over as well. He pushed his cock in a little past the tip and you whimpered, grateful, melting into him. Your stomach twisted again. Your legs were so so so weak.

Roose tilted his head, leaning in closer and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. When he parted, you blinked, looking up into his striking blue eyes and you whimpered again because he thrusted back in, deeper, only slightly, but he met the little barrier within you and you braced yourself for the striking blow.

He captured your lips more roughly this time as he pushed through, claiming you as his. Your soft squeaks of pain and pleasure getting lost in his mouth. Roose pumped his cock in and out, slowly, waiting for you to stop tensing.

When your ass twitched upward against him, he took that as the permission. Your lips disconnected from each other, both of you left gasping. You stopped trying to hide your pleasure long ago.

Your husband to be let go of you, letting you fall down back to the bed and you caught yourself on your elbows. He grabbed your hips, using your body mercilessly as you damn near sobbed from pleasure.

The view of you bent over for him, the side of your face pressed into the sheet and submissively crying out for him was almost too much. Roose braced himself to last longer but it seemed you were also tumbling embarrassingly quickly to your release after having been denied the pleasure five times over.

"Perhaps tonight," Roose paused to grunt and in his deep, baritone, it was just too good, you whined in response, "Tonight, I will put our first baby in you. A bastard, but no one else but you and I will be privy to that technicality."

"Yes," You shook beneath him, pushing your hips back to meet his thrusts. And as your cunt tightened around him, Roose knew you were close.

"Beg," was the one worded command, and having learned your lesson, you obeyed nearly immediately.

"Please, let me release. Please, let me carry a son for you, husband. Whatever you need from me, please."

Roose could not deny such sweet words, he came inside you with a few purposeful jerks of his hips and you shuddered for it, the pleasure feeling as if it could blind you if you were even the slightest bit more wound up than you were in this moment. You were unaware of the fact that your pussy, having a mind of its own, continued to pulse, milking Roose Bolton for everything he had to offer.

The sizable load immediately spilled out onto the sheets after your intended slipped out of you. You laid there afterward, with your ass up, desperately attempting to recollect yourself as quick as possible.

You moved to get up but Roose landed a firm but not too painful smack on your ass. It wasn't too hard but in your state, it succeeded in knocking you back down to your hands with how weak your legs were.

"That's for striking me earlier," He said, icily, then he handed you a cup of water, waiting for you to take it before he started to wipe away at the mess he'd left between your legs with a spare rag of his.

The act was more tender than you'd have expected from Roose, especially when he pressed a small, short kiss to your buttock and gave it another playful smack.

"Stubborn little wife."

That brought a pleasant little heat to your cheeks.

[olderthannetfic]

I do think the disclaimers from authors about NOT ENDORSING!!!! certain behaviors in fics is pretty funny, but I’ll admit I do it too. Oddly I only put warnings for abuse of the self, not the abuse of others. I write a fair bit of fic that “romanticizes” (or seems like it does) suicide/self harm/eating disorders to the point where it can almost be a tutorial of how to do it if I’m graphic enough. So in those I normally just add dead dove tags and put a disclaimer about how the trigger warning is no joke and you shouldn’t do the things that the characters do in the fic. It’s not like a Lifetime Movie end credits where the authors note is filled with hotlines and stuff, just a quick little note that, hey, yeah, if you’re considering this, don’t do it.

Oddly, I don’t think that behavior comes from fandom itself but rather from a completely different corner of the internet — when I struggled with the same stuff that I write about, it was pretty common for everyone’s bio to say that they “don’t promote” or they’re “not pro” and I guess old habits die hard. (Whether or not certain types of depression/SH/ana blogs etc really DONT promote or those words are just a please-don’t-ban-me card is a completely different discussion.)

It’s pretty ironic actually because when I’m on the other side of things (as the reader), reading about it is really cathartic in fic, but triggering (not in a fun way) in “real” books. Like there’s several books I had to DNF or shelf because it got to be too much, but oddly enough fic actually helps me a lot.

WOW that was all way heavier than I intended to get when I first started typing this ask! But yeah, that’s my own personal relationship to “I do not endorse” and I didn’t realize how odd it actually is until I started reading some of these other asks! I don’t think any type of “this is bad, actually” authors note is ever necessary honestly, but I also don’t think they’re that big of a deal — if a note from the writer about how they’re ~totally against the “bad” thing they’re writing about~ really takes you out of the fic that much, I don’t understand that either…it’d be one thing if they rambled on and on but even then I don’t think it’s that big of a deal 🤣 Annoying maybe but no one is required to read the AN.

My general threshold is “would a movie/podcast/real™️ book have a similar Viewer Discretion Adviced notice? If so, your A/N is likely fine and not virtual signal-ly or OTT at all.”

--

Heh. I think you're assuming a very different type of PSA from what other people are.

From what I've read, self-harm, suicide, and disordered eating are some of the topics that are a bit Monkey See, Monkey Do. Even support group discussions may increase the desire to cut, for example. It's still not 1:1, and we should be able to make art about serious topics, but a PSA doesn't feel totally absurd here. There are plenty of scientific studies showing measurable increases in people hurting themselves IRL after consuming certain material. Even if you did include a hotline, most people's objection is like "That number isn't valid for where I live", not "No one should ever do this".

I think if you polled people, you'd find that many of the PSA-haters are actually totally fine with "Hey, this fic contains serious depictions of mental illness. Make sure you're up for that today." and similar warnings.

But what people are actually talking about in 99% of "PSAs suck" discussions is rape fantasies.

Some clown writes a fic that is blatant fap material for people who like bodice ripper ravishment, and then they plaster it with "Rape Fantasies Bad" commentary that shows that they're judging themselves and their readers in a puritanical way that's a mega-buzzkill, completely out of keeping with the tone of the fic, and completely out of keeping with the actual scientific evidence.

Rape fantasies are commonplace and not a big deal, and to the extent that any depictions are demonstrably harmful, it's things like mainstream Hollywood movies reinforcing very standard cultural narratives, not somebody's sex pollen fic that's probably full of "It's so wrong, so why is it so hot???" anyway.

[judgmentiii]

One of the first gallerian x reader fic is out. What am I doing with my life idk too there's a lot of build up after saying this was going to be short bear with me lovelies. Also this takes place in just like evillous no au. Also this is like my first ever ever fanfic so I'll just use [name] I also cringed a lot making this. I'm going to clarify some more things. A little ooc btw. I also have no rizz. Dont judge i hate this. My friend asked me to do this too err :P its also not proof read. Ill get better with time i swear

[English honorififc] = sir, ms., ma'am, madame, Mr. and Etc etc

You were the representing lawyer for your friend, and honestly it's hard to find evidence that he's well. Innocent. You were surprised how he got into this mess. He murdered some powerful politician. The head judge for this case is lo and behold. Gallerian Marlon. Known to take bribes more like rumored to take bribes. You were lucky enough to well have relations with him, you're friend doesn't have enough money to probably bribe him. He lives an average life besides from this big "accusation". This was your second time having Gallerian Marlon as a head judge of a case you were working on. You've always gotten a weird feeling from him, you've seen him outside sometimes and you and him would wave at eachother. Awkward but yes. So you made your way to your telephone and put in his number. Surprisingly a few seconds later someone picked up the phone. It was Gallerian and honestly this was going to be really awkward. You have no clue how to word this without sounding like a dumbass.

"Hello? Who is this." Gallerian asked in a serious tone. Hope you didn't call his home phone or something. "I'm assuming this is Gallerian Marlon?" You spoke, honestly this is really awkward. It took a second for him to respond. "I feel like I've spoken to you before. If you don't mind me assuming and you [Name]." You were surprised on how he knew with just your voice, he sounded a little amused or happy too. "Yes, well I wanted to discuss about my client who'll be having trial in your court in a few days. I'm wondering if we could talk about that face to face?" You were a little nervous cause well this guy is kinda intimidating. Though honestly kinda good looking. "Hm. I don't mind. Where'd you like to see eachother?" Where should they even meet honestly this is getting awkward for you. "It's your pick, I just need to discuss something." The top thing on her mind was like at his office in the Dark Star Bureau, but that's still kind of far from your home. "I know there's a restaurant nearby my office. It's called Court of Knights. Would you like to talk there?" He suggested, a weird one too. Why a restaurant of all places to be honest, it's starting to sound like more of a date.. though you did says it's his choice so you can't be picky.

"Sure then, what time are you available?" You were slightly confused and a little flustered, honestly as a lawyer the only thing you've been doing is paperwork and files for cases. You don't have time for things like this, more or less you've been stuck to your desk for months. You got too caught up in your thoughts Gallerian was speaking. "Ah. Sorry can you repeat what you said?" You asked. "I mean I'm okay 6PM this evening or tomorrow. Since the trial will be in a few days. Though may I ask why you want to discuss about it with me?" Gallerian asked, and from his voice he sounded suspicious of you. "That's something to discuss later. I think 6PM today will be better. It gives me time. Thank you and bye" You said in a hurry and put the phone down as fast as you can. You wondered if he actually heard you say bye. You shouldn't have agreed to meeting today. You live maybe a 20 or 30 minute walk away from the Dark Star Bureau, it's also 4PM now...

A while later after getting ready you were wearing a black suit and some shoes (whatever shoes you want since its gn reader) This was going to be awkward. It's 5:03PM, if you're lucky you'll get there before 5:50. You went out the door and sped walked to the restaurant. You arrived there the restaurant at 5:37PM. You've never really went to things like this. Does he even have a reservation the place kind of looked packed with people. Nor do you go out often to eat in restaurants, and don't you have many friends either. You decided to just sit down on a near by bench, and wait for Gallerian.

A few minutes later, you were startled to have someone tap your shoulder. You quickly turned to see who it was, it was Gallerian obviously, he seemed to be wearing the same clothes he wears when he's at court hearings and etc. Just except for that judge coat. A bluish-black vest and a white collared shirt with black pants and shoes. Gallerian chuckled and greeted. "Did I startle you? Forgive me so. [English honorific] [Name]." You shook your head and stood up. "It's fine. How about we head inside and let's talk there." There doesn't seem to be too many people, thank God. What seemed odd for you, Gallerian, seems oddly happy? Or giddy. He wasn't smiling all the time, but there's this feeling that gives off a happy mood front him. You two had a table for two facing eachother, it was a silent from them until Gallerian spoke up. "Anyways. What's the business you plan to bring up." Gallerian then put his elbow on the table and his head leaning on his hand. Honestly, a little rude, putting your elbows on a table is a little disrespectful... you thought he was bored, but he smiled at her. Not with a boring look, more like he's staring or admiring something? Or someone.

"I know this seems bad, but I heard that you take bribes. No way will my friend will even have a chance to have a innocent verdict. This is the only thing I can think of winning this case even by a little." You tried saying in a hushed tone, but you seemed completely serious. Gallerian sat up properly and covered his mouth with one hand. From his eyes you could tell her was grinning, this honestly was a little weird. He put his hand down and there was evil grin. "I see. Well, by tomorrow or the day after, 1 million Ev will be deposited to me and after the Innocent verdict another 1 million Ev." You was surprised he agreed and she seemed really surprised and glad. "It'll be done by tomorrow. Thank you so much." You we're glad he accepted. "I think what I'm supposed to do here is done.. so." You tried to stand up until Gallerian said something. "Oh? You're leaving already? Honestly, I thought were going to have dinner too." When he said that your face can't help but turn a little red and you stayed in place. "Sure? I don't mind." You spoke, okay this looks too much like a date now.

After you both ordered, you and Gallerian talked but more or less his voice went through one ear and came out the other. You were honestly just thinking about two things, is this a date? Or is this a date. Yea, same thing. The food soon arrived, lord was it awkward. You didn't talk that much. Until the dinner was over, really awkward talk. The server came over and handed the check, which also was awkward. "Ah, I'll pay for the bill." You tried reaching out for the bill until Gallerian already placed the money on it, before you could grab it. "Hm? Isn't it a little rude if I let you pay?" Gallerian smiled, and you just nodded your head a little hesitantly. Gallerian lowkey seemed hesitant paying himself. What were you even supposed to say to that. "Oh! Thank you either way. See you in the court, sir?" You didn't know what to call him, sooo... "You can just call me, Gallerian outside of court only though." He patted your shoulder, and the two ot you left the restaurant together. "Thank you, once again. I'll be going now, Gallerian." Once again awkward, you were about to walk off until someone grabbed your wrist. "I'm aware this seems out of place... May I walk you home [English Honorific] [Name]?" He looked a little embarrased asking, his cheeks pink. You couldn't help but laugh a little at it, you nodded and you two started walking together back to your house. You two engaged in normal chatting more casual, though what was a different you two were awfully close your hands would accidentally touch eachother often.

"Well.. I've been a lawyer for quite some time, I wou-" You were talking about how long you've been a lawyer and how long Gallerian's been a judge. You were cut off by something sliding into your hand. You stopped walking and so did Gallerian, looking down Gallerian's hands were interlocked with yours. You could feel your cheeks turn red, and you were left speechless. Gallerian's cheeks were red too but he was pretending like nothing was happening. "I think we should hurry to your home, before it gets too dark. Don't you think so?" He gave a small smile, you just nodded and continued walking with him. When you both arrived at the front of your home, he finally let go of your hand as you pulled your house keys from your pocket. "See you in court, Gallerian." You said, for Gallerian instead of responding he took your hand again and brought it up to his lips. "See you in court." He then kissed your hand, Gallerian let your hand go gently and smiled. You were surprised at that, really surprised. You saw him walk away, while you were processing what happended. Gallerian doesn't seem like the gentleman type, the bribery, corruption. Though its as if you didn't bribe him. You unlocked the door and plopped onto the couch, you could just feel your face burning up until now. The whole scenario is burnt into your brain right now. The court session is in two days! How are you going to face him in court like this..

[murdocking]

„ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ”

- a chishiya series. ch6 ch8

masterlist

warnings+notes: im so sorry for such a late update😭honestly i had such a hard time writing this chapter… its really bland and i was so unsure of where to go with this all and it seems to be overly detailed. but whatever!!! enjoy lol

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴇ��ᴇɴ

- RECRUIT

as your days in the beach progressed- kuina and chishiya have become your main sources of companionship, though you realize there’s quite a long way to go before you could be true friends. individually , it’s obvious you each have your own walls up- but it doesn’t stop kuina from encouraging you to join the carefree attitude that rampages through the beach. at night, she drops jokes about getting you a one-night stand with some of the (very) eager beach members- to which you scowl and shove her slightly as she chuckles. you can tell she’s a bit serious though. you decide to confide in another short glass of liquor instead- immersing yourself into the busy party scene outside as you lay back in a chair. kuina kicks off her flip flops- sighing as she rolls her shoulders back, mumbling something to you.

“what was that?”

she flinches a bit, but speaks again hesitantly “i just remembered chishiya wanted to speak to you..”

you nod, handing her your drink- and looking for your coverup, which you have found has landed somewhere in the middle of the pool.

“ugh.” you decide you’ll just head to your room after talking with chishiya, thanking kuina for letting you know

“where exactly am i going?” you say- and kuina puts her finger up to signal ‘wait a second’ as she downs the rest of your drink.

“conference room on your floor.” you begin to lazily walk over to the room

chishiya is getting annoyed.

he’s been waiting for over an hour since kuina left the room- claiming she would retrieve you. it’s past midnight now and he knows his time could be better spent fixing up his bootlegged weapons in his personal room. he’s irritated- and just begins packing up the book in his hands and unraveling his headphones. it’s as he puts the earbuds in- that the door cracks open, with a “chishiya?” as quiet as the wind.

he can feel his ear twitch- and he views you from the corner of his eye, smoothly turning as he returns his earbuds back to his pocket, slyly smiling at you.

“well it’s about time. were you just avoiding me? he jests, but you worry he secretly may have gotten such an intention and quickly speak to clear the air.

“w-what? no of course not- kuina was with me downstairs i was just trying t-“ he’s walked up to you now, eyeing you from under his dark lashes and smudged liner and cuts you off

“im just joking.” once he sees you take a breath of relief- he gets to the point. “i wanted to talk to you about the beach. do you like it here, truthfully?” this intrigues you, afterall- chishiya himself brought you to the community. you scrunch your brows- and he watches you process his question.

“i guess i dont mind it too much… but” you pause, and he notices the slightest quickening of your breath- eyes flickering to your chest.

“i dont like living… with all this anxiety about the militia… they all seem like they’ll snap at any moment” you speak lowly- as though the party downstairs could hear the treacherous words you exchange with chishiya. he hums, looking back up at your face with intensity.

“i’m going to leave the beach.”

his words threaten a gasp from you- this is traitor speech, punishable by every idea of torture hatter has ever thought of. “chishiya- what? how would you even pull that off- alive at that!” you whisper yell to him, and he has already turned his back to you to collect his things- ignoring your protests slightly.

“dont act like you wouldn’t join me.”

his words cause a silence.

its almost too intimate now, and despite you only knowing chishiya shortly- it ignites a fire of adrenaline inside of your bones as he watches you from his crouched place.

you try to talk- but he beats you to it. “kuina has already begun preparations.”

you blink for a second or two- wiping off the frazzled expression that sat there previously, realizing once again that there was a different person who actually conspired and knew chishiya better than you did. you bite your tongue, and just nod a bit ashamed.

“okay.”

“okay?”

“okay… tell me what’s the plan.”

chishiya feels a sour taste in his mouth- despite his clear joy on his usually stoic face at your reply.

he explains to you his elaborate idea- but you feel a sickening sense that he’s not telling you everything there is to know. and thats because he isn’t telling you it all. not even kuina knows he’s luring you into his own personal trap- you’ll be the one to investigate hatter’s personal room and get the cards. but chishiya knows better than to tell you it all, and decides its better not to dwell on the ‘what ifs’ of the plan.

its quiet- you can hardly process what he’s telling you, and you can feel the heavy pressure of the moment aggressively sit ontop of your shoulders while he observes your blank expression.

“where…” you begin but stop

“what is it?”

something about the question you wish to ask feels as though it crosses a boundary, you are barely acquaintances- yet it feels as though chishiya has been the one holding your hand throughout your life in the new world.

you clear your throat. “where would we go?”

he seems a bit shocked, and you know he understands your internal turmoil and hesitance towards asking the question. to chishiya, kuina and him would most likely have split- possibly meeting again during sporadic games. but the “we” implies you want to stick by him- and he admits, he wants to encourage the idea of that more than he’d like.

again- you feel the intimacy of being alone with chishiya, quiet exchanges in the dim lighting. chishiyas conflicted- but he decides not to relish on the idea that there would be a chance to get to know you better. his whole idea banks on you risking your life- even if you meet your end a bit too early. he feels nauseous, and suddenly can see every hair and pore on your arms- his eyes dilate and scan over your frame that is completed with a short frown. he doesnt lose notice on how you’ve found comfort in digging your fingers into the plush chair beside you in the middle of the room- and how he can feel his adams apple bump dryly against the rest of his throat.

“i dont know.”

the answer isnt truly good enough for you, because you know chishiya is random- and goes with the wind. but you also know he’s a planner, and if you’re supposedly a vital part of this- he would know the aftermath.

it makes you sick, but you tell him quietly that you agree to join him.

afterwards, you wash up- careful to treat your injury with grace, remembering chishiya’s guidance for recovery. faintly in your mind, you still feel his fingers dancing on your leg- eliciting sparks of joy between you both. normally, you’d feel stiff and disgusted, but the memory has a sort of fondness you would never think to associate with chishiya.

for him however, you’re beginning to be his own personal catalyst. chishiya cannot handle the variables you bring to the table- your support is an asset, but is starting to be his weakness. kuina and him are strictly business- sure they provide the other with company, but it is all surface level. however, with you- chishiya isn’t sure how to process your presence. hes bubbling over with guilt- but he cant help his admiration for you, it overwhelms him.

since that night, you’ve experienced another game- enduring a 2 hour agonizing experience with gross eyes on you from perverts, and sleek eyes and glasses from the #2 at the beach. only 4 survived out of 9- and you can feel burn marks and scratches coloring your body- one resting just beside your nose. that night, you properly met arisu- and reunited with the king hearted girl who calmed you after your game together, usagi. you didnt fail to notice how chishiya lingered his gaze on arisu- even from his high perch on the floor above the hallway you stood in with the two.

unbeknownst to you however- he stares at you longer. wondering if you’ve caught on with the way you’ve distanced from him slightly. he doesn’t like it, and he can’t risk that you’ve lost interest in committing to his plans. he decides to swiftly go downstairs to intervene the group of three beneath him, greeting them with a playful wave as he assumes a position beside you- causing your goosebumps to rise.

arisu continues to speak shyly and stiffly- enjoying when usagi controls the conversation that flows between you all. at some point- usagi catches on to the fact that chishiya does not actually want to speak to the entire group- but rather just you. with this- she just awkwardly laughs and bids you farewell

“oh i dont wanna keep you long- plus arisu and i need some food and just… look around here you know?” she says- and you agree

“oh of course! i’m sorry if you were trying to leave earlier- i get ahead of myself sometimes.” she just giggles before telling you it’s no problem- and soon after, she’s halfway down the hall with arisu on her tail.

it takes him a minute to say something in the silent hall, but chishiya turns to you smoothly “wanna walk around?”

you’re honestly bored- and up until recently, you’ve enjoyed your conversations with the blonde. he guides you back up the stairs- where the music gets almost fully silenced, and waits for you to initiate a conversation.

but you never do

and chishiya is starting to feel a bit on edge, frankly a bit awkward. the feeling is foreign to him- his mind has run rampant thinking about your last discussion.

you carry on- walking on the seemingly never ending staircase and ignoring the way chishiya’s back is overly straightened.

“what’s up?” you say, much to his relief. he stops, leaning against the wall of the staircase as you halt your steps. “are you having doubts?”

you can feel your brows scrunching at his question, and though you feel nausea whenever you think about betraying the beach- you cant bring yourself to admit it to chishiya.

“no. why would i?”

“youre lying to me.” hes quick, and sharp- and it makes your breathing cut short.

“im not”

“youre lying again.”

a beat passes, and then another. then you reply

“we’re down to almost no games, its been too quiet here. somethings wrong.” you’re deflecting, he knows it.

“and?”

“and,” you can hardly breathe “i know you’re lying to me.”

chishiya doesn’t miss the way your eyes plead with him, begging him to say ‘of course not! i would never do that to you’. but chishiya knows he can’t say those words, not to you.

so he makes a different decision- to him, this is the only way he can feel at ease.

“i don’t want you participating in this anymore.”

now you’re confused, wasn’t he just adamant about being involved in this together? “chishiya-“

“i think it would be better for us all if we limited our interactions. i have to focus on perfecting details, i cant have you getting in my way.” he speaks harshly. you can feel something inside of you getting rotten, molding and making you sick when you look at chishiya- who now gazes at you dismissively.

watching you, he knows he has potentially made an incredible mistake- but he doesn’t want to risk you if you were to die to the hands of the militants. he has seen arisu perform in complex scenarios, analyzing his problem solving skills and reaction time- and he has no issue with recruiting him as your replacement.

but he has an issue with the way you’re beginning to pale, and how your eyes shift to darkness as you look at him differently within seconds of him speaking.

“can i ask why?”

he doesn’t even know what he can scrape up as an excuse

“did i, cross a line with you?” you say, and your voice seems so small he could confuse it for a distant bird song.

“no” he speaks- sharing the same quiet and frail tone as you.

its so unlike him

“then why are you making such a haste decision i dont get it..!” despite your loud tone, chishiya doesnt flinch- rather he briefly looks at the surroundings before continuing

“it’s not haste. i should’ve never told you about this in the first pla-“

“why? so you could just leave me here while you and kuina get to run off into the sunset?”

“what does that even mean.”

“it means you don’t care if i were to die! it wouldn’t matter to you because you’d just shrug it off and go be a smartass somewhere else.”

he just looks at you solemnly while you come back to earth from your heated reply

“of course i would care.”

its simple, but it hits so hard

“then why are you pushing me away?”

“because arisu is better suited for this than you could be.”

you back up slightly, shuddering when you feel the cool wall

“i see.”

he shoves his hands into his pocket, gripping onto the lining to stabilize the trembling

“this is merely strategy. hes sharp. quiet, and he has some connections that i can use to our advantage.” somehow you know, when chishiya says ‘our’, he is not referring to you and him

you just nod, and finally accept the truth he serves to you.

“i hope you’re making the right decision chishiya.”

“i always do y/n.”

he feels his breath quicken while he walks downstairs past your silent figure- needing his room to expose his panic in isolation.

[malachiexists13]

Gay Or Nay?: Ikemen Series Edition

86% voted yes, 14% voted no, so here’s the post. Reminder that these are MY impressions of the characters, and this is entirely a joke. No need to take me too seriously. If you disagree with me, that’s fine. No need to argue, just make your own post. 

Also small spoilers for my ikemen ocs series.

------------------------------------------------

Ikemen Sengoku

Nobunaga Oda 

Have you SEEN his right and left hand men? He’s either an ally or bi-curious. Can’t decide. 

Masamune Date 

He flirts with Mai to hide his homosexuality /j 

Nah, I’ve seen how he admitted that he’d kiss Nobunaga. He’s gay. Bisexual if you please, but gay. 

Mitsuhide Akechi 

Is that even a question? Have you somehow not seen the way he flirts with Hideyoshi? Let’s be honest, he’s bisexual. 

Keiji Maeda 

Idk him well enough to judge that. 

Hideyoshi Toyotomi 

I know a lot of people are going to want me to say Hideyoshi is gay because of Mitsuhide... But honestly, Hideyoshi gives me the vibes of someone who says gay shit without realizing its gay. He seems more like a very supportive ally to me. 

Ieyasu Tokugawa 

Idk but I can see him as like, panromantic or something. He also screams femboy to me but we dont talk about that 

Mitsunari Ishida 

Confused ally <3 

Ranmaru Mori 

Confused ally pt.2 + closeted ace 

Yoshimoto Imagawa 

Gay (they try to push so hard that he’s pretty, and no straight man is supposed to be that pretty /j) 

Sasuke Sarutobi 

Nerdy gay 

Kanetsugu Naoe 

Either indifferent so like, some kind of mspec or somewhere on the ace spectrum, maybe both, not too sure 

Yukimura Sanada 

Awkward gay (secretly dating nerdy gay) 

Kenshin Uesugi 

That one token straight guy who no one is completely sure that he’s straight or not. 

Shingen Takeda 

In my brain, major flirt = major bisexual so- 

Kicho 

I’ve seen other people write him as like, indifferent or pansexual so I’m leaning towards that 

Kennyo 

Wdym? He’s homophobic- (THIS IS A JOKE. NO HATE TOWARDS KENNYO) 

Motonari Mouri 

Kinda gives me either disaster bisexual or ace/aro vibes. 

Ikemen Revolution

Lancelot Kingsley 

Gay but in the closet about it 

Jonah Clemence 

Confession time: I thought he was a woman at first LMAO- 

Gay 

Edgar Bright 

He’s straight and an ally, but enjoys teasing the others 

Zero 

I dont think he’d care tbh 

Kyle Ash

Didnt realize he was gay until after he started dating his boyfriend 

Ray Blackwell 

His whole thing about freedom and living how you want to or whatever makes me think he’s bi 

Sirius Oswald 

He’s an ally <3 

Luka Clemence 

Shy gay 

Fenrir Godspeed 

Overly supportive ally (especially since his gf is MTF) 

Seth Hyde 

Everyone thinks he’s gay, but correction he’s pan 

Harr Silver 

He’s pansexual 

Loki Genetta 

I dont know him well enough?? 

Blanc Lapin 

He’s straight, maybe a little curious tho 

Oliver Knight 

He’s another ally, gives me the vibes of someone who would punch a homophobe in the face for insulting his friend 

Mousse Atlas 

I chronically forget he exists, so idk 

Dean Tweedle 

The gay twin 

Dalim Tweedle 

The straight twin that gets confused for the gay one 

Ikemen Vampire

Napoleon Bonaparte 

As far as I’m aware, in history he had two different wives and he kissed the tsar (even apparently said if the tsar was a woman, he’d make him his mistress soo--) Napoleon definitely isn’t straight 

Mozart 

He’s straight and hates everyone equally (/j) 

Leonardo da Vinci 

Gay 

Arthur Conan Doyle 

WHORE- this is a disaster bisexual 

Vincent van Gogh 

the supportive straight brother 

Theodorus van Gogh 

the angry gay brother 

Isaac Newton 

Too anxious to question his sexuality 

Jean d’Arc 

I like to joke that he’s bi but denies it because he hates men 

William Shakespeare 

not too sure tbh 

Osamu Dazai 

another disaster bisexual 

Comte de Saint-Germain 

I feel like he’d be omni. Like he doesn’t care, but still has a slight preference. Also supportive father figure <3 

Sebastian 

Serious gay 

Vlad 

I pondered on this one for a long time.. and I still have no answer 

Johann Georg Faust 

Closeted gay who suffers with internal homophobia (i literally wrote a oneshot for him where this was the main premise-) 

Charles-Henri Sanson 

another bi guy 

Ikemen Prince 

Leon Dompteur 

straight but supportive 

Chevalier Michel 

Bro, it’s CANON that he’s pansexual (I think- idk. I played his route when it first came out in english so its been awhile) 

Yves Kloss 

I feel like he’s bi but doesnt really talk about it 

Nokto Klein 

He’s too slutty to be ONLY into women 

Licht Klein 

Straight but an ally 

Clavis Lelouch 

gay ass clown 

Jin Grandet 

Straight 

Luke Randolph 

I HAVE NO IDEA???? 

Sariel Noir 

I feel like he’s straight but also an ally, like he doesn’t care but absolutely will NOT tolerate homophobia 

Rio Ortiz 

unsure. 

Gilbert von Obsidian 

Silly little gay man <3 I can see him as like, pan or something. 

Keith Howell 

Excluding his “other” side.. I can see Keith as straight, but a supportive ally 

Silvio Ricci 

He’s homophobic (secretly not straight but in denial) 

[thewitcheswitch89]

The Witches Image

Papa Emeritus IV - Part 8

( I had to change the Style of writing...hope you dont mind :)

you can also read on:

Min Heyoka (@TheWitcheswitch89) - Wattpad

Copia sighed "And do you want to go through with this exorcism?"

"No! Papa!", you said and looked at him. "Please tell me that there is another way ?"

Copia smiled reassuringly at you, hoping to ease your concerns. "Don't worry Sister , we will find a way to help you." He said . but he felt a little bit of fear. this situation was serious.

"I will let you know when i talked to the papas!", he said.

Copia could tell that you were still scared, and he wanted to do something to comfort you. He thought for a moment, tapping his fingers on the desk. "Sister Lia, may I ask you a question?"

"Yes papa", you nodded.  

Copia looked into your eyes, his gaze soft and caring. "May I have your hand?" He reached out his hand toward you. You looked at him in surprise. But gave him your hand

Copia gently took your hand in his, his grasp was firm but not too tight. He could feel how nervous you were, your hand was trembling slightly.  You looked down at your hand in his. His touch was warm and comforting. He gave your hand a light squeeze, trying to reassure you.

"I want you to trust me, alright?", he said his tone gentle and calm

You nooded. "Yes Papa" was all you could say.

Copia smiled, gently rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand.

 "Good. That's good." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I need to ask you some questions. Some might be uncomfortable but I need you to honestly answer them, alright?"

You sighed. There already had been to much questions but you nodded.

Copia smiled slightly, appreciating your willingness to answer his questions.

"Alright. I need you to tell me if you told anyone else about these nightmares ? i mean other s then Sister Imperator?“, he asked.

"No!" you shook your head

"Good." He said softly he believed you. "Now, tell me, have you been experiencing any other strange things lately. other than the nightmares?"

"No!" you said. "I told you about the srcatches on my shoulder that it looks like Liliths symbol !"

"I see." He said, his voice quiet and serious. "Has anything else happened that you didn't tell me about?"

"No!" , you looked at him. His touch and his eyes on you, where almost to much.

Copia nodded. But he still had so many questions. He squeezed your hand gently reassuringly. "Alright. ."

"I will talk to the other Papas. like I told you!", copia said.

Copia let go of  your hand, and leaned back in his chair. Imidiatly you felt the loss, and you craved his touch again.  He ran a hand through his hair, a look of intense thought on his face.

"Alright... I'll talk to the other papas." He repeated. Copia didn't know how the other papas would respond to this, but he hoped they would have some sort of advice.

You smiled at him and wiped your tears away. Taking a deep breath.

Copia noticed you wiping away your tears and smiled. He felt a pang of sympathy for you.

"Don't worry. We will figure this out." He assured you, his tone soft and gentle.

You looked at him a moment to long . "Thank you Papa!", you whispered.

Copia noticed your lingering gaze on him and felt a flutter in his chest. He quickly pushed the feeling away, trying to remain focused on the task at hand.

 "You're welcome," he said, attempting to keep his voice even.

"So what do you want me to do now? I cant just sit around and wait!",, you said triying to get your composure back.

Copia sighed, rubbing his forehead in thought. He knew you were right. Sitting around and waiting wouldn't help anything. "You're right," he said, "But I'm not sure what else can be done until I talk to the other papas. Just... just rest, okay?"

"I cant just rest Papa!" you said, shaking your head.

Copia understood your frustration. He knew you wanted to do something, anything, to make this situation better.

"I know it's hard, but you have to be patient," he said, his tone soothing but stern. "Let me talk to the other papas and we'll see what they have to say. In the meantime, try to relax, alright?"

You felt a sense of urgency, like you had to do something, anything. It was like a fire lit within you, burning fiercely. Research. Maybe you could look into the history of Lilith, see if you could find something that could help.

"I could do some resaerch myself?", you said.

Copia looked at you, his expression serious: "Are you sure? It could be dangerous to look into these things on your own... "

"Why would it?", you said, getting a little annoyed.

Copia sighed and leaned forward in his chair, resting his forearms on his desk.

 "Because, my dear...", he began, his tone serious. "...dealing with... supernatural entities, especially as someone inexperienced as yourself,  can be dangerous. you could find yourself in over your head very easily."

"OK!", you said. But you knew the next thing you would do was researching on your laptop. You looked at him. "So you will tell me when you talked to the other Papas ok?"

Copia nodded. "Of course," he replied. "As soon as I talk to the other papas, I'll let you know what they say."

You nodded . "Thank you ", you looked  at him and blushed slightly.

Copia noticed the blush on your cheeks and felt his heart skip a beat. He smiled softly, feeling a strange sensation in his chest. He tried to keep his calm demeanor, but he could feel a flutter of nervousness in his stomach.

"You're welcome," he said, his voice low and gentle.

"Ok so...!", you said and shifted in your chair.

Copia chuckled quietly, understanding that you wanted to leave. He leaned back in his chair, a small smile playing on his lips.

 "Alright, you can go now. Just... be careful, alright? Don't do anything reckless.", he said.

You nodded . "Goodbye Papa!" you said leaving the office and copia alone .

[the-s1lly-corner]

knd villains crushing on the reader

something something more group post shenanigans, might use this prompt for other fandoms as well! toiletnator already had this prompt done for him, you can find it in the masterlist!

characters: father, knightbrace, cuppa joe, spankulot, stickybeard

notes: reader is gn

cws: none

father

jealous man, he can get a bit worked up if someone steals you away or tries to make a move on you

luckily he doesnt wait long to try to make any moves on you, opting to try to ask you out fairly quickly... and its only partly caused by that jealousy! the main reason being he doesnt want to wait, he just wants an answer to he can react accordingly!

leaves you gifts in the meantime, dont ask why hes buying you so many things he just wants to is all! yes yes thats the reason

definitely the type to stare at you with his mouth hanging open like a fool if you do something that really gets to him- though the only indication to you that hes doing it is his pipe nearly falling onto the floor

hes a little bit like a cat about it, though... initiates but hardly reciprocates if you return the energy before things get more serious

mostly due to him not knowing how to full react to receiving your affection because of inner issues but thats another post for another day

spankulot

so so so obvious, he does the hand shakey thing after you two interact and hes giddy the entire interaction even if he tries to act casual

uses any excuse he can to hang around with you- do you want him to go to the store with you? he can carry things! are you a villain, and if so do you want to work with him on something? please please say yes!

talks about you a lot, he probably gets eye rolls from the other villains

he can get a little bashful but i dont think it would take him long to try to ask you out on a date, his eagerness gets the better of him and shushes his nerves

looks at you with so much love in his eyes

knightbrace

similar to father in the way that "hes like a cat", but that may be mostly due to his vigilante style... he approaches you only occasionally

his love language is reminding you to take care of yourself- mostly your teeth but he reminds you to take care of the rest of your body!

pretty normal about his feelings, though i can easily see him suppressing them so he can focus on his work.. things will likely end up building up as you make him fall harder

will only confess his feelings to you if push comes to shove- like something happens to you that gives him a good scare, or you ask him out yourself

slowburn with some denial, my beloved

stickybeard

very VERY open about his feelings for you, even outright flirting with you to your face! he cracks jokes about it too to try to get a smile from you

the most confident in himself, he wastes no time to ask you out on a date

leaves you your favorite candy because it made him think of you

hes not as chatty about it as spankulot- the other villains know but sticky isnt going to talk their ears off about you

once more, hes very forward and confident about the entire thing- its hard not to fall for that charm!

cuppa joe

hes very confident about stickybeard, but honestly? i think he might actually be the most confident and forward- hes got the charm, hes got the charisma- he can make it work!

loaded just like father so hes going to get you "just because" gifts to try to get on your good side

bro would literally dedicate a coffee blend/drink to you just to get his feelings across, thats some real love right there

also openly flirts with you, he cracks some jokes but a majority of his lines are just outright telling you that he thinks you're "a pretty little thing" and that he wants to spend more time with you

some people might actually think you're already dating thanks to him being so open about it

[tobiotaesan]

so uhmm.....a little rant because im sad and angry at the same time. i randomly woke up at 3am bcus i slept early yesterday and this was the first thing i saw when i did and now i cant go back to sleep. i wish i could just cry myself to sleep.

yesterday, i was so excited when i thought of how i could start writing for riize again. because in my older acc, i originally had planned a lot for future riize contents (au, smau etc). i was planning on making a banner or poster to announce that i will start writing for riize and even prepared a separate acc to post contents for riize and bnd in my native language.

because i thought, "finally, after 11 months of boycotting and waiting, we can all finally be happy with the assurance that he has returned."

i didnt know it all meant nothing to that shitty ass company and that it would only take 2 days of knetz "protest" after the announcement was all it would take.

im not undermining what they did, sending funeral flower wreaths demanding that ot6 is what they want for the group, thats freaking insane. absolute batshit crazy. but thats nothing compared to the airplane, subway ads, that floating jet thing with a banner flying around sment with seunghans banner, the i heart seunghan banner that locals mistaken for being a tourist photo spot, etc. 160+ projects for seunghan in the span pf 10-11 months compared to 2-3 days of flower wreaths, which btw sm apparently called the police for to get removed and allegedly was going to sue the ppl behind them.

and also because i do not want to invalidate seunghans feelings. we do not know if it really was him in that video. but clearly, those flower wreaths affected him greatly and im afraid that it may even have traumatised him. i fear this will make him forever anxious and scared of falling in love in the future. i fear that he will never look at flowers the same way ever again.

i have so many thoughts about the news and so many emotions going through me right now. but then i think about just how much harder this is for him and the members too. how much more painful all these are for them. im not sure but i saw someone say sohee was crying at the airport. the decision was made and posted when the members were on the plane back to korea. we dont know if they were informed beforehand or if they found out when they landed.

but regardless, i just think its so unfair for them because this time, with this decision of seunghan leaving. they were not consulted and honestly i think it is hastily made. im not blaming seunghan because tbh i think he made the decision to leave because he felt cornered or pressured by the reaction of knetz. i think sm couldve done more with reassuring and convincing him to stay with the group especially since it had only been barely 3 days since the announcement of his return.

when they said he was returning, they shouldve expected this because its their fault too that ot6 stans exist. had they done something to protect and defend seunghan this wouldnt have happened. so many artists have gone on hiatuses and fans waited and were happy with their return to activities. but because they were silent about seunghan, even tried to completely erased any traces of him in the group, it just pushed the narrative to the public (knetz) that they acknowledge that his leaked personal life and private photos from his pre febut days are indeed "wrong" and that he "shouldnt have done those things" like the knetz are saying.

to conclude this, sm is shit. and as an orbit, now is the best time to seriously boycott them if we really want to give justice to seunghan. this is honestly giving me serious flashbacks with what happened to chuu and loona and the fact that it happened around this time of the year too. the situation may be different but boycotts do work. and companies are all the same, lead by capitalists who do not give a fuck about their artists at all. they have the guts to create "global" groups and yet doesnt listen to the intl fans of the said "global group".

the only way to make them move is to harm their sales. unfollow all riize socmed accounts, ig, twt, fb, yt channel, unfollow their community in weverse!!

do not stream any of their music! especially with shit they will do like re-recording songs that seunghan is in (im looking at you siren 2024 ver). do not buy albums, lightsticks, any riize merch. you do not need those damn plushie keychains! you are funding sm ent to continue their shitty ass treatment and disrespect to the riize members and wizard production! you are validating their actions towards seunghan.

this is bigger than seunghan and riize. these companies need to understand that these idols are not products to be controlled, shamed and punished for having a life. that the intl fans is not like the knetz they are used to, knetz who are obssessive and would go to dangerous lengths to ruin someones life due to "cultural differences" with intl fans bcus "unlike the west artists, idols shouldnt have personal life". they need to know not to be complacent to the dangerous parasocial psychopathic behaviour of knetz.

so please, im being so serious right now, boycott sm. boycott riize.

[momoneame]

theres something ive kind of noticed as like... a pattern within fandom spaces, especially with artists . i can think of two big examples off the top of my head, ghost (the vocaloid producer) and birdie/damagedcoda6669. for some reason, minors (sometimes not minors but considering my two examples were minors when they first gained attention online) with untreated(?) mental issues or neurodivergency who use their art online to cope with their real life get an extremely vitrolic amount of hatred online and generally garner a lot of controversy, which in turn makes the health of the artists in question even worse. take for example taking a long hiatus from being online (either forcefully or willingly) because of becoming aware of the fact that being online is just Not a good thing for your health.

i find it a little weird that, while yes, neurodivergent people Can be problematic and are fully capable of doing terrible things, its like neurodivergent/traumatized artists get the short end of the stick online a ton. this isnt to excuse anything they may have done in the past either- im not gonna whiteknight for them or anything theyre just the first two that pop into my head. theyre people too, yet people in online spaces frequently forget that artists are people as well and that not every issue they may cause makes them an irredeemable person.

i feel like the best way to go about this is like... to not make a spectacle of someones severe mental health issues. it seems like a horrifically obvious statement but especially nowadays online everything is treated like you need to have popcorn in hand to witness it, and it shouldnt be treated like that. artists and content creators are not zoo animals, they are people just creating content and posting it online. as simple as that. you dont need to dig into their personal lives, or make their personal lives so damn public. if a mentally ill person does do that themselves, i feel like it is rude to constantly lambast them for it like they personally slaughtered their (sometimes unwanted) audiences family.

i dont really know if i will ever become an actual content creator online, and i have a lot of personal mental health issues that affect me a lot in my day to day, and the thought of that being the main topic of people who are watching my content honestly scares me! i dont want my mental health to be an integral part of something that i do for Fun. you know .

tldr just treat people with serious mental issues like people without stigmatizing/demonizing or coddling them ... please .... ish not that hard ... treat people like people .....

[multiplicity-positivity]

i dont know if i've sent an ask like this before but. i've been fronting for a week or so now. im not really frontstuck - i can leave, and others can come into cofront, but i'm very scared to leave front. i don't know if im afraid of losing control or memory or something but i'm too nervous to leave and. idk do you have advice? i feel lost here :(

Hey - so I’m usually fronting to some extent, but I also used to really struggle with giving up control and allowing my alters to take over in order to take care of us and live their lives. Honestly it’s something that I still struggle with from time to time. It’s a common thing for headmates to worry about losing control, losing touch with reality, losing previous memories, and losing time in general when it comes to leaving the front.

What’s helped me a lot with these fears is having some genuine, serious discussions with my alters and making some requests. We’ve had talks about fronting, and how one member leaving the front absolutely does not mean that they won’t ever front again. I’ve also asked my alters to help keep me informed on anything that happens while I’m outside the front, and I try to do the same for them. In this way, we still have lots of memory gaps, but we’ve been learning to try and help each other fill in the blanks. Learning how to compromise and collaborate with my parts like this has taken a lot of time, patience, and therapy, but I think we’ve been making improvements overall.

If you’re afraid of going dormant, or that by leaving the front, you may never be able to front again, it may be of some comfort to you to know that dormancy doesn’t last forever. We had a part re-emerge last year after over a decade of dormancy. It took him a while to readjust to life, but these days I’d say he’s doing pretty good. Dormancy doesn’t mean death, and it’s not really something that needs to be feared. Individual headmates don’t die in systems, and any time you leave the front, know that it really won’t last forever.

Getting pulled from the front used to freak me out a lot, but these days I’ve gotten more used to it. I’ve been trying to learn to go with the flow of my system and make space for my alters to express themselves, even if that means giving up control sometimes or even fully leaving the front (which again, is still pretty rare for me).

Really it took just time, therapy, and being genuine and open with my parts to finally grow less scared of leaving the front. Idk how helpful this will be for you… but I hope that with time you’ll find it easier to allow other headmates in your system to take over. It’s definitely a process tho, and don’t be too sad if you still struggle with leaving the front after spending time trying to work through your fears with your system.

Wishing you the best.

💫 Parker

[pixelkip]

Ok serious post time. I don't like making posts like this but it's kind of a few months coming.

Hey guys so. I might start posting most of my hazy stuff exclusively to tumblr as much as I hate to say it. This isn't for sure that I'm never interacting there again but. Probably not touching it mostly

Just 1 or 2 people in the discord community I feel like. Mega fucking uncomfortable around for stuff that, while it's been mostly resolved I guess, still was super upsetting at the time and has caused me a lot of anxiety seeing them around again to the point of it being a serious detriment to my mental health.

Especially cause hazy river is still kind of a big hyperfixation to me and has honestly affected me so much. I'm deeply attached to it and that's not changing. That discord community too has been a huge part of my life for over a year now and I wish I didn't feel like I had to stop interacting with it for the sake of my own health, but it's becoming increasingly obvious that I do.

The thing is I don't WANT to care that someone who makes me uncomfortable is back in a space I'm in. I'd rather just accept it and ignore it and continue interacting there as normal. That's what I've been telling myself is the mature thing to do and its what ive been trying to do for a while. But my anxiety doesn't seem to agree on that front. Not just in a "ew I don't like them" way but in a causing me actual panic attacks way.

I'm very open to anyone asking what this is about and why i feel like this, I'd be glad to tell you IN TUMBLR/DISCORD DMS NOT PUBLICLY, but I wanna say a few things first

-youre free to do with this information what you wish, but I take no responsibility for anything YOU do with what I tell you.

- preferably don't start drama PLEASE. If you know who im talking about or if you even think you know, don't. Start. shit. Even if you ask me and I tell you. Don't. Start. Shit.

- UNLESS you have a good reason like theyre actively doing something shitty, don't put anyone this is about/might be about on blast publicly. I would prefer people truly learn from their mistakes. And if that somehow does happen, idfk take it up with that community's mods

- I'm not shaming anyone who is friends with or interacts with anyone I'm referring to. As long as you don't cross my boundaries, and you dont encourage/defend what they did if I tell you, and you dont try to let them contact me, or generally try to get them involved with me I don't care.

- don't contact anyone else that might be involved about it either. I might be ok telling people how I feel about this but others might not. I don't wanna be the reason anyone gets pestered over something shitty that happened to them.

- if you are reading this on my tumblr dot com, I assure you it's almost definitely not you I'm talking about whose the reason I'm making this decision.

Ok finally here's the part where I'm gonna be pretty blunt:

If you do contact me cause you wanna know why I feel this way, I apologize in advance if it makes you uncomfortable around someone you may have interacted with. Cause if you ask, I'm telling you. No sugar coating, no "but it's ok" for any reason. Me still not fully having healed over what happened doesnt mean i wish anyone involved any ill will. But I'm not gonna pretend I wanna be amicable or friendly with or even forgive who did this either. Wanting to move on =/= forgiving. If you insist on defending what they did while I'm actively telling you why it hurt me, that's just rude. And I will probably block you.

Block button is at the ready and I claim 0 responsibility for hurt feelings or possibly viewing ur mutual differently as a result.

TLDR: I'm probably fucking off from most of hazy discord bc I'm deeply uncomfy around someone who came back there some time ago, feel free to dm me and ask about it cause telling people why honestly makes me feel less alone about it, but please please don't start drama and don't think I'm responsible for anything that happens as a result of me telling you what someone did that caused me a lot of pain.

Sorry for the long serious post, I'm hoping to be able to do more fun stuff in the future.

In the wise words of the queen ass 2 over herself, thank you (for listening) and I love you.

[caphayzardous]

things r fine just debriefing a short convo into a huge poste

caved and asked one of my damage-informed (and also reasonable-inquiry) questions through text. you can't imagine how much I don't like to take serious topics into text format, hate Getting Weird Over Text, but a) this qn always feels so unimportant in-person, yet haunts me semi-regularly when I'm alone. had told myself several times I'd just get it out of the way IRL only to be like 'psh, nah'. and b) due to recent propensity for crying - and also non-recent perpetuity of crying at ANY serious moment - I felt that just this once text was safer than IRL for keeping things sensible.

it went fine (I say that now, we'll see if my lover is actually waiting to follow it up with an honourable in-person "Call It Off Because You Were Weird", but I don't THINK that's it). I somehow got an answer very very close to the Fear Outcome but in a way that I feel okay about?

Basically confirmed what I already know. this is all re: some near-arbitrary semantics of the relationship, basically that we are dating (sike did you all think I officially worked that out before valentines, like I said I would? I did not. but I did become more confident in that truth, before this recent upset. it is a relief to have this confirmed actually tho) BUT we are not 'partners'/in a serious relationship.

if that sounds weird to you. well yeah. this is what I mean by arbitrary semantics and nebulous areas. "we are lovers and we are friends and we've been going on dates for 6 months but it's not...?" anyway, however bizarre that sounds, it feels good to me and is about what I expected and wanted.

even though: its close to what I feared, too, separated only by the nature and details of the conversation. honestly I think it just makes a difference to me to hear "lover" "friend" "date" rather than cut-and-dry "friends with benefits" though try explaining the actual difference there?? it Feels different. to me at least lmfao, there may be less distinction to her, but by god she has the tact not to say so. I think it just affirms that my soft little feelings, are okay as they are. are not entirely misplaced, even though they wont go any further. I did not have illusions about her feelings but mine are still being looked after, yeah.

think also this whole thing just feels different to... you know... the past situation that recently re-haunts me (do you know that came to a crux about this time of year as well...? and with the impending end of things, I became so scared that it would all twist up the same way). probably the fact that things are being communicated at all makes a world of difference dont you think adchsbsj!!! like it may be late in the game to re-affirm these details, but it's happening at a decent and safer moment. in that past exp, the relationship exploded in a bad way and SIMULTANEOUSLY I found out that we were not even dating... according to them. so you can see why I might be hung up what counts as dating or not.

Im not asking for love, I just wanted to know Im not being made a complete fool of (again).

talking about this always feels like Im going to get y'all saying 'oh, bri...' because I Know how it reads still (yes I am a fool all round).

I will keep an eye on myself. In that same past exp I made the mistake of convincing myself I was ok with certain things like this, only to subsequently have really volatile and opposite feelings about it. sometimes I can tamp down distress with the cool detachment of logic but ofc that bitch comes back UP, you know? so I will keep an eye on myself here to see if I'm ACTUALLY still good with this situation as it stands, or if I'm just Trying to be good with it.

a lot of blog post to say: things are alright. my chest has been aching the last few days since it got into my head that there are parallels with the past. but it finally stopped hurting, and my heartrate finally settled, after speaking with them about it - I feel soft and safe again. so I think it's safe to say it's a good outcome. I feel I can separate it from the past again.

hope we can still stick the landing and get the 'good ending' when she leaves aus and we stay friends after hehe. I believe!! I believe!! I dont want this damage to take that ending from me!

might delete this'n its a mess but wanted to get it out thx if u read lmfao

[greendragonqueen]

i hope u dont mind me asking but how do you write your longfic: An Arranged Marriage? Do you just use MSWord/LibreOfficeWrite or do you use a special app/tool? I'm dipping my hands into longfic myself (tho not bbc merlin). It's always so hard to keep track of plot points. thanks <3

Hey, sorry I didn't see this sooner! I haven't had anyone ask me any questions before.

Honestly, this story has been a few years in the making, and the length of it shows that. Of course not everyone wants to invest that kind of time into a longfic, but that's something I will admit first. You are going to need a LOT of inspiration and ideas for the longfic you're wanting to write, and it may take a while to gather all of these ideas. You may even get more ideas as you're writing them.

First and foremost, I just let myself write the scenes that came to mind. I threw them all into a document, and called it a day. Before the amount of ideas got too overwhelming, I sat down and sorted all of the pieces out. Then, I asked myself "what do you wish to happen over the course of the plot?" Then, I wrote out a very loose outline, mostly consisting of just titles of chapters for me to follow. Then I just... followed the plot I had set for myself, letting myself thread ideas through as I went along, jumping back and forth through the plot until I basically got a loose rough draft that I can go along and thread together very easily.

The key is to write these ideas down if you think it can lead to a serious plot, and to go back and reread what you have written if you forget the plot you have already told. Also, to allow yourself to think "Is there a better way I can write this?" and be willing to throw that plot line out the window (or to the back of the document) if an idea comes that feels better.

As for programs I use, I mainly just use Apple Pages. I have notes on the characters at the beginning of the document I refer to if I want to remain consistent, but other than that I don't use much else. Another thing is that I talk to people a lot about the story, and hear what they have to say about the story and let them comment on it. Hear their critiques about plots, character accuracy, world threads, etc. Stuff like that really helps you grow more ideas and figuring out how to thread it all together.

I think that's all of the ideas I can think of about this, but hey! At the end of the day, it's really all up to you. My writing style is very long and drawn out, and that might not be what you want to do, so always keep that in mind.

Again, thanks!